Ladies and Gentlemen take my advice...

One Flu Over the Cuckoo's Nest

2009-05-01T17:36:00.000-07:00

Well it is certainly about time that all of us here at the 4077th Cellphone join in on the mass hysteria that is the latest Pandemic of global proportions. I am of course talking about the Swine Flu or the 2009 VH1 H1N1 Outbreak.

Now I am not a medical expert, though I play one on a blog. But I am a critic of pop culture and the media.

So this is what I have been able to take away from the coverage thus far. Swine Flu is pretty much just like the normal flu, except this particular strain of the virus originated in pigs. This flu has killed faaaaaaaaaar less people than the average run of the mill every day flu.

One thing I have heard is that the Pork Futures market has taken a hit this week with the pandemic of fear spreading out from the depths of Wolf Biltzer's beard.

Now this is silly since you can't get swine flu from eating pork products. Nor can you catch swine flu if Air Force One flies over your town in a terrifying demonstration of political ignorance.

But that is not why you tuned it. What is the real lesson we can learn from this outbreak? Should we close the borders to New Mexico? Probably. Should we kill all the cats? Most likely.

But the real lesson to take away from this outbreak is one that Aaron Morey will be every excited about. Quite simply, Americans are NOT eating enough bacon!

Think about it! If Americans were eating more bacon, there would be less pigs walking around being able to get sick. If pigs weren't walking around getting sick they wouldn't be able to make out with people and thus transferring their variety of the flu to humans.

So eat more bacon and there will be less pigs and you will effectively help prevent a global pandemic. Sounds like a good plan.

Ladies and gentleman take my advice, if you need a global pandemic as a reason to cancel an event called "Kiss the pig" at your school, maybe you should rethink your fundraiser endeavors.

One Little Voice is Calling me Calling me...

2009-02-23T04:16:00.000-08:00

Extra points to anyone who catches that mid 90s pop culture reference.

So today at work I was reflecting on how sometimes the way things are going seem silly. I say, "Well I never would have planned it this way." That's when I remembered, Oh yeah, I DIDN'T plan it this way. God did. And even though I may not be able to make sense of this part of the plan at all times, I have to trust that God made the plan and He will see it to the finish. Even if I never entirely understand the plan, I know that it is His plan.

I mean look at the plan of Salvation. That didn't really seem to make a lot of sense at the time I am sure, but look how good its turned out. So to demonstrate that, I got out the fiction side of my brain and tried to flex it.

The following is the result. This may sound heretical or blasphemous at times, but that is not my intention at all. So heretical police and Aaron Morey, please stand down for the moment. It is purely intended for fun. It is neither a theology or history lesson.

It's the story about the day Jesus found out God the Father's big plans for him.

Phone call from God the Father to Jesus

Re: Mankind’s Salvation

ARE YOU READY DA DA DA DA DA DA DA DA DA DA DA DA DA DA DA

Bleep ONE MISSED CALL

Jesus: Woops, I was so entranced in that ring tone that I missed a call. It was like walking on water! Who was it from? Oh, it was my Dad. I better call him back before He gets too busy with creation again. I feel like I haven’t talked to Him in like a week.

Abba! What up Dad?

No I haven’t talked to Adam or Eve today. We’re supposed to hang out later today.

Lucifer? I thought you took care of him?

Yeah, well I told you Freewill was going to be tough.

He can shapeshift now? Into what!?

He told her what about the tree?

Adam ate it too! Ohhhh Me.

Fig leaves huh? Well maybe they will figure out Sandals soon.

So now what?

They’ll need some help to get back here won’t they?

You want me to help them?

Yeah, but

But

You want me to become a what!?

But

No I know, but

Sigh

Born of a virgin you say? Who would agree to that?

Oh she did? Yeah you told me she was going to be Immaculate.

Alright, so I take on human form, be born as one of them, live as one of them, and then teach them how to get back here with you and me and Steve.

I know he prefers to be called the Holy Spirit, but until there is some doctrine of the Trinity I am just going to call Him Steve.

So I go down, do some miracles, and badda bing badda boom! They are back to heaven?

How much more?

You are killing me with this you know. Literally

You want me to take on their sins and die!?

This doesn’t sound like a great idea.

Can’t you just punish them with like a flood or something?

Oh you tried that?

Hmm, well how bout making a covenant with them?

Broke that too eh? I am beginning to understand your frustration

Alright so I go down there, I live, I teach, I die and then I rise?

That just might work.

I get a church? Woo hoo. I’ve always wanted my own church.

Alright well, it seems like you’ve had an eternity to map out this plan. It kind of sounds silly at first but I must confess, it seems like you’ve thought of pretty much everything.

When do we begin?

You mean I have to work Christmas? Sheesh.

Alright, love you too.

Bye.

Ladies and gentleman take my advice, try and use this time of Lent as an opportunity to grow more in your trust of the Lord and His plan. I will pray for you. Please keep me and my trust level in your prayers as well.

Ladies and gentleman take my advice, you can't have Lent without LEN.

It's Snuggie Wuggie Time!

2009-02-15T23:13:00.000-08:00

No this is not some love sick steroid induced Valentines day post. This is in fact a public service of some measure. The following is a product review.

We here at the 4077th CellPhone have one thing on our minds at all times. No not that. Its to help YOU the consumer to become better informed.

In an economic climate that can best be described as Armageddon, there has been an increase in the number of products available on the market to help you the consumer save money. One of the most widely advertised and reportedly most successful products has been The Snuggie.

Yes I know your saying to yourself, wasn't that a character on Seasame Street?

The Snuggie is known as the blanket with arms. Because how often are you sitting on the couch with a blanket when suddenly a British Soldier (redcoat) breaks into your house and tries to violate your Third Amendment rights. If only your blanket had sleeves you could have easily exercised your second amendment rights and shot him with that sawed off shot gun you keep on you while watching MTV, just in case.

Now you too can have the safety and security that comes with the Snuggie.

By Now you have probalby all seen the commericals. Old man with a snuggie. Old woman with snuggie. Whole family with matching snuggies participating in some type of pagan fertility rituals around a fire or while attending a local sporting events.

If your like me you wondered, does the Snuggie really work? Isn't it just a backwards robe?

Well I recently had the opportunity to test drive a snuggie and the following are my impressions.

I will admit, the sheer adrenaline and excitment are overwhelming. The sheer notion of seeing a Snuggie in real life and having the opportunity to try it on are invigorating. Though this is a wonderful feeling that could only otherwise be achieved with illicit pharmacuetical products, it may not be the desired result when relaxing on the couch.

Once the initial reaction of the Snuggie vanishes, the wearer is left with over sized sleeves and a backend that is almost constantly exposed. Reminds me of my first marriage.

One is tempted to engage in religious ceremonies again not exactly the "relaxing" feeling you were initially going for.

One major flaw that can almost be seen in the photo above is that there is no way to secure the snuggie around your backend. It is almost like a hospital gown. And if you can't walk around naked in your snuggie, really what is the point.

For me I will have to stick with the old fashioned robe.

(Psychotic-Aaron Morey-Eating Dog not included)

As you can see here the robe is secured with an amazing invention most comparable with a belt. My back end is modestly covered as well as my front. It is both warm and convenient.

So in the end I believe the blanket can come out of hiding as the Snuggie, however popular it may be will not be replacing it in bedrooms across the country anytime soon. That is unless of course the Blanket tried to sell a seat on the couch and the State Senate decides to remove the Blanket entirely from office. If that happens, well then the Snuggie will probably take over and try to raise taxes.

Ladies and gentlemen take my advice, if you are forced to choose between a Snuggie and a Slanket, go with the Snuggie. Nothing really beats name brand recognition in this frosty economic climate.

Wounded Tiger Hiden Dragon

2009-01-28T10:23:00.000-08:00

Anyone who is a regular follower of my blog (follower in the sense of paying attention like Aaron Morey, not follower in the sense of bowing down and worshiping as in the case of President Obama {sorry I had to piss of Alex somehow}). Technically I was still in the middle of a sentence but it got too complicated so lets take it from the top.

If you've read me before you've noticed that one of my favorite past times is pointing out some of the absurdities that come alone with our modern mainstream media. Now this is not a blog about liberal or conservative bias. No this is about just how many stupid things they can do in the course of a newscycle. And since Wolf Blitzer invented the 24 hour newscylce, they can do a lot of stupid stuff.

One of the things that I find myself laughing at the most as well as getting pissed off at is all the things they attempt to put on their screen on top of their actual programing news. You have the telecast your watching. Below that you have a "ticker" updating you on some headlines. Usually just giving you tidbits that you can brag about to your friends. Unless one of your friends pursues a higher level of journalism than CNN or Fox or MSNBC does and you know actually asks you a follow up question. You have NO more information. All you saw was a 15 word headline. And that's probably all CNN knows too.

So you have the telecast and a ticker nice right? Well thats not all. Than you have the time and temp, then sometimes you have the business ticker. Then you have a picture in picture thing showing you the press conference they are going to cover next. And then there is a changing box telling you the pedigrees of the pundents you are listening too. Then that changes and tells you about the BREAKING NEWS or DEVELOPING STORIES that these pundits are currently discussing. By no means are these breaking news. And then on top of it all some networks offer an inside look at Wolf Blitzer's beard! I KNOW!!!!!!!!!!!

American Philosopher actually called CNN out on this thing.

Anyways my biggest complaint about this crawler is how incredibly vague it can be. And if they don't go out of their way to explain it, you might have not any idea what they are talking about.

Today I was watching CNN Newsroom and on the bottom of the screen read
UPDATE: Wounded Tiger faces rankings challenge.

Go head, right now and write down what you think that is talking about.

I honestly had NO IDEA!! I am a pretty bright guy, I mean I watch CNN, I should be able to at least translate there language right?

My first thought was Dick Cheney shot another tiger, oh way that was Putin. But then I thought, is this referring to a BCS bowl rankings challenge? Is this wounded tiger not getting the respect from the AP because it's strength of schedule rating wasn't high enough?

Why would a tiger be in a college football game? And who wounded it?

So then I decided it was time to google the phrase and see what happened. While I was waiting for my computer to boot up, (20 hours or so). I thought to myself, oh maybe its a race horse.

Finally I googled the phrase and got a CNN website no doubt. Fortunately they had taken time to post an entire story.

Wounded Tiger faces rankings challenge

Look at your piece of paper again. How many of you ACTUALLY thought, Oh I bet thats about Tiger Woods!

That is just a terrible use of language if you ask me. First of all Tiger Woods wasn't wounded, he was injured. I am not sure if there is a definitive difference, but I think the connotations are slightly different in the United States.

Second of all the man's name is Tiger, so let's use the language in a way that doesn't make it sound like he was an animal that was shot by a Russian dictator. Seriously.

Yes this was a long one, but I hope you enjoyed it.

Ladies and gentlemen take my advice, if your going to use parenthesis as often as I tend to, you should probably figure out how to do it properly. By no means is my blog a proper template for correct gramatical format. If your looking to me for that, then perhaps you need a stimulas package too. THATS WHAT SHE SAID!!

Grover Cleavland Spanked me on Two Non-Consecutive Occassions

2009-01-21T02:49:00.000-08:00

My friends, welcome to the first posting of the new year and the new administration. Do you think President Obama would be funny enough to end every sentence today with the phrase, "In the new administration?"

"Do you deliver pizza in the new administration?"

No I wouldn't think so either. But since Aaron Morey is probably the only person that will read this blog, I feel obliged to at least give him some type of inside joke.

So here we go. Only minutes, even SECONDS into his Presidency, Barack Obama lied to the American people.

According to the Associated Press "FACT CHECK" in the third line of his speech, the newly inaugurated president claimed that, "44 Americans have now taken the presidential oath."

Now I don't intend this to be a hate on Obama blog, but AS soon as he said that, I shot straight up from the couch. Having ventured to Rockford for the historic return of Trolley Car #36 I was relaxing in my parents living room watching history unfold. Or in this case watch history be misquoted. Now consider the fact that I had been up since 5pm the previous day as to how easy an error this was to spot.

What was the error you ask? Obama is our 44th President. Well this is entirely true. But as any avid Simpsons fan could tell you, Grover Cleavland held the Office of the President on two NON consecutive occasions. Meaning that he is recorded as being both the 22nd and the 24th President of the United States.

Now the funny thing is that I have yet to find a major news agency pick up this story. I have only found blogs and the APs "FACT CHECK." which hardly qualifies. I have actually done a extensive amount of reserach for this blog. I ran through google and found a website dedicated to Language that discusses it. As well as a CBS News blog that seems hardly confident in admitting the 44th President's error.

In the end I guess it doesn't matter. One way or another this Inaguration will be making Marv Alberts Blooper reals. (I would encourage my Catholic friends to pay attention to the 1:23 mark of the video). Though the reason for making the blooper real would be less the President's fault and more the Chief Justice's error. Now this is a story every agency IS picking up on. As you may have noticed there was a little stumbling on the administering of the oath of office, or as one blogger cleverly called it, the oaf of office. My favorite part was when the Chief Justice turned the "So help me God" part of the oath, into a question, rather than a statement the President was to repeat.

You may not care about my opinion, but on the other hand your reading my blog. My guess is the Chief Justice screwed it up and it confused Obama, who was proably pretty nervous and most presumedly had practiced it before stepping on stage in front of 8 million devotees who were in all actuality waitng for the Kanye concert to start.

So I don't know about the error in counting thing. Though if you look at White House.gov official listing of Presidents, which is now run by the Obama administration, that there have been 44 presidents and only 43 men who have served as president. I think they need to fire a speech writer or 7. Toby Ziegler would be pissed.

Maybe President Obama got some bad intel?

Ladies and gentleman take my advice, I would seriously encourage you to look at every link posted. The add value to the overall humor of this post. I would also encourage you to not flame me for this post. I am really not hating on the President. But I think a lot of people who would normally make fun of the President are not going to, so it will be my cross to carry. Oh and did I mention that I like turtles?

Please don't try this at home

2008-12-03T23:48:00.000-08:00

When I was a young warthog. (WHEN HE WAS A YOUNG WARTHOG). I was a big fan of various teams of superheros. These included the Thundercats, the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles, The Real Ghostbusters, and the Mighty Morphin Power Rangers. Being a fan I was very defensive of any time some member of the liberal mainstream media would attempt to defame my beloved heroes of the time.

Occassionally a story would appear in the paper about a group of kids who went down to the sewer looking for our heroes in a half shell. One story appeared during the transition in fandom between the Turtles and the Power Rangers.

Apparently a group of boys in some other country beat up a girl because they were playing Turtles. But Turtles and Power Rangers were blamed with contributing to the increased violence in our society. Regardless of the fact that we live in a soceity that allows for the brutal murdering of our unborn children merley for convenience and a backup contraceptive of sorts.

Anyways the debate went on over the Power Rangers and their place in our childrens imagination. Being an extremely opininated 3rd grader, I was overly defensive. I was convinced the Power Rangers were the heroes and could not be held responsible.

So I was always one to believe more in a childs ability to watch violent things like Power Rangers without killing people. Well recent events seems to prove me wrong.

You may have heard that Pirate attacks are on the rise.

I am unsure if Pirate attacks have always happened and they are just being reported by the media more, or if the sudden increase in the populatrity of pirates is contributing to this disturbing trend. Clearly the Pirates of the Caribbean film franchise has added to the increased violence on the high seas.

I don't vote for censorship, but I would advise people to be careful what they let their people watch.

Ladies and gentlemen take my advice, if you are going to be a violent pirate, at least have the courtesy to dress the part. This whole t-shirt, jeans and a gun thing just isn't cutting it. Seriously why is the rum always gone?

Help me Obi Wan Blitzer, your my only hope!!

2008-11-05T03:22:00.000-08:00

A long time ago in news room far far away...

News anchors would have to put up with their correspondents in the field being annoyed by people in the background of whatever setting the correspondent was in. To us the home viewer this was always a delight. 9 out of 10 times it was your cousin Bubba that no one talks about. But nobody was ever bothered by this because usually the correspondent was on our turf disrupting our life. So a little smile here, a wave to mommy there, a flash of body hair in places I never knew grew hair, no harm done.

Well apparently Wolf Blitzer had a problem with this. Wanting to get more intimate with some of his correspondents (Nicole Versansky of Rockford's WIFR comes to mind) Wolf took it upon himself to create a new technology.

Single handedly, Wolf Blitzer used the power of the dark side, and his beard to create a hologram technology that allowed him to literally beam in correspondents from the field into the newsroom. Or the situation room if you know what I mean.

Don't believe me?

How many angles to do you think Wolf would like to shoot her from?

Strangely this technology was only used once on the air. But surprisingly, Jessia Yellin found herself continually beamed into Wolf's beard.

We have to take a break from this because the 4077th is ready to make a projection, just one moment

Okay with it being 5:30 right now, we are ready to project that you will probably NOT see this hologram technology on CNN anytime soon. They spent all their money on John Kings new toys including a flat screen HD monitor that has little elves inside of it that actually go out and color the states whatever color Mr. King desires.

So i know I promised election analysis, but it seems to me as if things are pretty obvious. The economy sucks and people blame George Bush. And because we saw Bush and McCain hanging out at that one party that one time, we were totally pissed at McCain. So now we're cheating on him with Obama to try and make him jealous.

Ladies and gentleman take my advice, If Wolf Blitzer ever invites you into a tent with 35 HD cameras filming differnt parts of your body, run away as quickly as you can.

Heeeeeeeeere's JACK!

2008-10-24T00:43:00.000-07:00

Alright. I have a lot of requests from people to resume blogging on a regular "basis." Well my friends America can be angry no longer. For here I am with the long awaited return of the 4077th Cell Phone.

So where to start my entry? Well one of my more popular entries was a brief biography about my single most loyal reader, Aaron Morey. Now I am not going to do that again, but maybe its time I let you in on one of my current room mates. That's right its time for the Adventures of Jack the Cat! This may or may not become a regular event here at the 4077th. Let's face it, by the time I blog again, Bill Clinton might be the President again. Figure it out for yourself how that might come about. Seriously.

So let us begin with a brief introduction of Jack. Jack is a cat that lives in my apartment. He was brought there by my paying roommate Mike.

Jack's origin begins a few years before that. Jack was just your everyday run of the mill Cat. He had a nice family, and a regular 9-5 job as a stockbroker on Wall Street.

Jack was so good eventually he became the CFO of AIG. This was back before the financial crisis so life was pretty good.

One day Jack had just planned a vacation for him and his wife and 19 children to Disneyland. Jack liked to chase all the mice that ran around the park.

All of a sudden a bad bad person came into his office. In order to protect the innocent we will call this person Mr. Obama.

Mr. Obama demanded that Jack begin allowing for people who were bad bad people to start being able to take out mortgages on their mansions.

Jack didn't want to do it. He knew if too many people were allowed to buy mansions, the economy would eventually weaken to the point where the United States would have to be listed on Craig's List in order to survive.

But Mr. Obama told Jack that if he didn't comply, that he would be neutered and his kittens turned into violins.

Fearful of the ASPCA law suit that would follow if he allowed his children to become violins, Jack realized he had no choice. So slowly but surely, mortgages were given out to those who should not have them like poor people. One person was even allowed to buy at least 7 houses that we know about!

Jack saw that his indiscretion had caused a lot of trouble. He decided he would attempt to fix what he had caused. Right before he planned a press conference to announce his wrong doings, his children disappeared and he was fired from AIG.

Jack was left penniless and alone in the world. He managed to find his way to Marquette where after a lengthy discussion, MUSG voted to bail Jack out of his homelessness and allow him to live with Mike.

Since then Jack has become angry and vengeful. He has vowed to take his revenge on those who stole his family.

The End?

So as you can see Jack was single pawedly responsible for the current financial crisis that our nation now faces.

Ladies and gentleman take my advice, if I ever personally piss in your bed, feel free to treat me terribly. If that invloves squirrting me with a water bottle or pushing me off a book shelf, or not petting me very much, by all means I think we'll be even.

Stop! It's Beaver Time!

2008-04-21T03:16:00.001-07:00

Hello dear Aaron Morey, I am indeed back and blogging.

This one is intended to be more of commentary on several news stories I have encountered today. Hopefully the humor will just find its way in.

Let's start with the big story on everybody's mind these days:

Rescued Beaver Dies during Papal Visit

Tis a sad tail. No beaver pun intended there. Dam! Oops.

Anyways, some New York Harbor Patrol was on duty near the UN Building in New York City in order to protect Pope Benedict XVI from the monster from Cloverfield. While patrolling, some quick-witted officers spotted a Beaver struggling in New York Harbor. One officer is reported to have said, "Dam that beaver seems to be struggling in the New York Harbor." It is worth noting that the Supreme Court is slated to hear a case against the New York City Harbor patrol regarding cruel and unusual PUNishment.

The beaver was rescued by the Harbor patrol and sent to the New York General hospital. Upon realizing the hospital didn't have adequate facilities to take care of a BEAVER, the animal was given a special transport (The Pope-Mobile was available as the Pope was attending a screening of Iron Man starring Robert Downey Jr.) to be taken to a special beaver facility in New Jersey. New Jersey of course being infamous for being the best DAM place for a beaver to get medical attention. Sadly the beaver died en route.

Notice that article was taken from the New York Times. All the news thats fit to print? Dam straight.

Moving on to the second most venerable news source that I read, the following is from the Rockford Registar Star. You can file this one under.

"Things I am going to hell for laughing at..."

A child was struck by an ambulance and then loaded into that ambulance after sustaining apparently some pretty bad injuries. I laughed at the title and the line about the kid being treated by the same ambulance....but then I said a prayer. Seriously I do pray that everything works out okay and that everyone involved gets better soon. But the irony was fairly there wasn't it?

Dam

And also from the Rockford Red Star (Dam Communists)

The Reason I went to Private School

This is all about an Illinois law requiring 20 seconds of silence at the beginning of a school day. This is for students to utilize for literally whatever they want. To pray, focus on the day, or even to help Barack Obama beg the country for more change. (Dam I stole that from the Onion)

This is literally about to become a federal case because some judge has ruled that it is unconstitutional for schools to require a moment of silence. The article doesn't do much to show why the judge feels that way, but i imagine it has something to do with allowing school prayer.

Now personally I am not in favor of Organized prayer required in public schools. I am however in favor of allowing private groups to pray or organize in a public school. Or if the student wants to take time that has been allotted to him or her or it to pray to whatever being they see fit. You know most of them are obviously thinking about the upcomming Hannah Montana special on Disney Channel that afternoon. At the very least allow the children to pray for the dam beaver in New York!

What really bothers me about this is the amount of time being devoted to scrutinizing what amounts to 20 seconds of a 6 hour school day. Maybe if our judges and law makers would spend more time worrying about what goes into the other 5 hours 59 minutes and 40 seconds of our children's school days then we could have the best schools in the world! Thats right Sam Seaborn, education is the silver bullet!

Ladies and gentlemen take my advice, turn down the heat in the lobby of Humphrey Hall! Seriously its suppossed to be 70 degrees today inland!!

Why Grocery Shopping is similar to LIMO Driving

2008-01-28T17:30:00.000-08:00

Aaron Morey

Okay now as long as I've got that out of the way, I thought I would share with you some thoughts that ran through my head today.

So I was running low on food in the apartment, or Studio 2A as I call it. So I did what every warm blooded Marquette Alumni does, called Jimmy Johns. Unfortuanately I no longer go to Marquette, so I did the next worst thing and got in my car and headed to the local SUPER WAL-MART in Sheboygan.

As I was acquiring my items in the various ailes, I started to realize I was using the same part of my brain that I used to while driving LIMO for Student Safety Programs. So here is the thought process:

I usually don't make a list of what I need, I just make a map of the store in my head and follow a route to the various food items. This is in fact the number one skill used by LIMO drivers.

So this struck me as an amusing thought so I began to take the metaphor further. So the following are some random thoughts and ponderings of why grocery shopping is like LIMO driving.

The Similarities:

The random things you see while grocery shopping and LIMO driving. i.e. today in Wal-Mart I saw a small child hiding in the bread shelf.

The bizarre stories you read in the tabloids in the checkout line are only slightly less believable than some of the drunk stories LIMO passengers shout at one another on their way home for the night.

Grocery store patrons are equally as hostile to grocery store clerks as they can be to LIMO drivers. And unfortunately some clerks can be as stupid as SOME LIMO drivers.

Equally annoying things shouted over loud speaker as shouted over SSP radio frequency.

The maximum number of people I've ever seen in Wal-Mart: 278
The maximum number of people I've ever seen in a LIMO: 278

THE DIFFERENCES:
Less vomit in a grocery store per capita

I was never promoted to Grocery Store Supervisor.

I've never spent more than 40 minutes in a grocery store compared to the 10 hours in a LIMO.

More accidents involving grocery carts than LIMOs.

I've never had to respond to a noisy cart only to have the guilty bread swear at me and then pull down its pants and flash me.

More cameras on Marquette's campus than in Wal-Mart.

Never have to wait for a box of Cheerios to get to the van from their apartment.

I've never found drunk guys passed out sleeping in my grocery cart, not that it couldn't happen I imagine.

People on LIMOs are generally drunk; people in Wal-Mart generally just weird.

Ladies and gentlemen take my advice don't show up to your last State of the Union address to Congress dressed in a Hawaiian shirt and UGG brand boots. It will only make your plan to turn the U.S. Navy into a cover band of the Village People, that much more difficult to pass the Congress.

Ladies and gentlemen take my advice, don't try and play the State of the Union drinking game alone. Friends don't let friends discuss politics alone.

Who Let the Dogs Out? Yes who indeed?

2008-01-22T18:50:00.000-08:00

Welcome back my naughty penguins.

Let's talk politics shall we? Yesterday GOP Presidential hopeful Mitt "Mitty" Romney was in Florida trying to appeal to the young African American vote yesterday.

While pausing for a photo op, Romney decided to take a moment and reveal to everyone just how in touch he is with today's youth. (No Michael Jackson joke intended)

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FDwwAaVmnf4

That's right Mitt quoted the Baja Men's hit song "Who Let The Dogs Out?" Which was of course released in 2000.

Now a lot of people have been criticizing him for first of all being named Mitt. But in terms of this incident, the real criticism cites Romney as somewhat of a rascist and not to mention pop culture moron.

If you listen carefully, someone does in fact ask Mr. Mitt, "Who let you out?" And that was was enticed Romney to respond "Who let the dogs out, who who who?"

But here's the real scoop. What you don't see on the camera is that directly in front of Mitt Romney (so behind the cameras that are recording what we see on Youtube) is a pack of wild dogs attacking the onlookers who had gathered for the parade that Romney was apparently holding up.

In total 78 people were mauled by the pack of vicious poodles who had just been released nearby.

So Romney should be sparred the criticism of "being out of touch" with the youth. The real concern and criticism should be Romney's overwhelming lack of concern for the 78 people who were just attacked. Seriously, do you want a president who looks on as fellow Americans are attacked and simply inquires, "Who let the dogs out? Who Who who?"

Ladies and gentlemen take my advice, take a moment to keep the family of Heath Ledger who passed away today at age 28 in your prayers today. He will be playing the Joker in this summer's The Dark Knight.

Ladies and gentlemen take my advice, if you believe your elusterous career on Law & Order should be a springboard to the Presidency, perhaps you should tune into Fred Thompson's new show LAW & ORDER: Presidential Campaign Unit. This show investigates presidential campaigns that are dead, dying, and deceased. Don't miss the pilot episode entitled "The Rudy File." And remember it will be more and more of this until the WGA Strike can be resloved.

WGA ON STRIKE

2008-01-14T21:05:00.000-08:00

Hello hello helloooooooooooooooo!

Have no fear my loyal Aaron Morey and other random viewers. The production company that produces this blog has managed to strike an independent settlement with the Writers Guild of America in an effort to come back to the internet with new or FREsh material.

Ironically this blog has been on hiatus since even before the Wrtiers walked off the job back in late October. The strike is currently entering it's 8th or 9th week.

So what have we missed since we've been gone?

Well the late night guys were off the air with the writers strike. They have all returned to the air, only CBS' Late Show and Late Late Show have returned with their writers.

The Tonight Show and Late Night are both going on without their writers. All of the networks late night shows, with the exception of Jimmy Kimmel Live have seen an improvement in their ratings.
Carson Daily was the first one to defy the Writers Guild and return to the air. I know what your thinking. Carson Daily still has a television show?

I would just like to say that we here at the 4077th are really glad to be back and thank the Writer's Guild for allowing us to return. Now if only we could actually hire some writers right?

Well my Super Bowl predictions were looking really good right up until this past weekend when they broke down. The Dallas Cowboys and Indianapolis Colts were both eliminated from the playoffs. I believe I heard the cowboys are the first number 1 seat team to be eliminated in the Divisional round of the playoffs since the League went to the wild card format.

In a post game interview, the Cowboy's Terrell Owens took his cue from Senator Hillary Clinton. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_nHD6znv5Nw&feature=related

Here's Hillary's reaction to being eliminated from the playoffs.... http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LWSjUe0FyxQ&feature=related

Here's the real clip http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XDkWdJ7OXtY

Strangely enough, earlier today Terrell Owens was declared the winner of the New Hampshire Primary.

So I am pretty excited about my new Super Bowl prediction as I feel the Green Bay Packers have a pretty good chance to make a Super Bowl appearance. I am not getting cockey yet because obviously the Giants are a great team. Unfortunately the Patriots continue to assert their dominance. President Bush has issued a warning against the New England team asserting that their offensive line has more Weapons of Mass Destruction than Iraq.

So I think with that we're done for our first blog back.

Glad to be back.

Ladies and gentlemen take my advice if your show is actually getting better ratings without it's writers than it did before, perhaps it is time to reconsider some of your writing staff's future with your production.

IN THE YEAR 2000 IN THE YEAR 2000

2007-10-09T00:07:00.000-07:00

I've never done this before but here are my NFL postseason predictions. Now I am not even entirely sure that the following predicitons are possible but this is my guess based on the limited knowlege I have acquired from the Futuristic University College Knowledge.

NFC Championship game

Green Bay Packers at Dallas Cowboys

Cowboys win

AFS Championship game

Colts at New England

New England Wins

SUPERBOWL Cowboys vs Patriots

Patriots win again

3 of the 4 teams I mentioned seem unstoppable and I truly believe the Packers are going to be a force to be reckoned with in the relatively weak NFC.

Patriots vs Colts is going to possibly be the greatest athletic competition since the Walls of Jericho came down.

Ladies and gentlemen take my advice, it would seem as if its better to be a young Tony Romo than an old Brett Favre, though I am not convinced of that yet.

From Our Files...

2007-10-08T14:52:00.000-07:00

Last February my family said goodbye to our oldest pet, Watson. It was sad and I still miss him. That week was a hard one at Marquette for me so one night when I got off of shift at SSP, I came back to the Men's Catholic House and wrote what you are about to read until 5a.m. The spelling and grammar reflects this late hour. The reason I post this now is that I have been given many compliments from those who have read teh following story. I thought some of you might appriciate something that doesn't just mention Aaron Morey. Oops I did it again. This is intended to be read as an extended obituary of sorts.

Ladies and gentlemen take my advice, read this story and enjoy.

On Saturday February 3, 2007 Watson Clyde Nelson passes from this world. He was a month shy of what was assumed to be his 18th Birthday on Easter Sunday. Watson was a faithful friend, a trusted listener, and a not always welcomed dinner guest.

Watson came to the Nelsons around December 1990. Tommy was in Kindergarten and Christina was in baby pants. Watson was in fact the only pet the Nelsons actively chose to seek out. The others (and boy would there be others) would just sort of come to them. Watson’s new home was made possible by a gift from Helen who lived in “the big house.” No more than 6 months old when joining the family, Watson was already a big dog in the eyes of the kids.

We always used to assume Watson was mistreated as a puppy. They way he feared men and Dad in a hat was evidence for this hypothesis. He was never very fond of UPS either. Any tragedy the young pup endured would be quickly forgotten by this beagle/basset living in the life of luxury with the Nelsons.

The name Watson came almost immediately. Clyde was Dad’s first choice but proved to be impossible for Tommy who was working on the proper pronunciation of “c,” “K” and “Q” etc.. Watson was the dog of the Sherlock Holmes Muppet on Sesame Street, a favorite of Tommy’s. So a compromise was struck and the name Watson Clyde Nelson was agreed upon by all 4 members of the now larger family.

Watson and Christina both fell asleep on the car ride home from Noah's Ark. It was in the back seat of the old Blue car that Papa had given us. The author recalls McDonalds being consumed at home soon after this so a trip to the fast food chain must have been made. At home the children ate their lunch at their favorite blue and white table and chairs in the basement, as that was the location of the only television in the Nelson household at the time. Watson was pretty scared of the stairs that day and Dad had to carry him down to be with the new family. The author recalls Tommy having trouble remembering the new dogs name that first day. “Whats the dogs name?” he recalls asking. A bath in the laundry room was next up on the schedule for Watson. He didn't like it too much. It was the first of the 5 baths he would take in the next 18 years. Watson came to the Nelson's at a time when they had only known Leroy. Leroy was never too crazy about Watson who was only interested in sniffing the black cat. They never fought, and seemed to have come to a mutual understanding pretty quickly in their lifetime. The author can recall on more than one occasion, Leroy accidentally falling asleep on top of Watson, who preferred to sleep under covers. Watson could often be found sleeping at the foot of one of the kids beds, but more often than not he was in the master bedroom, taking up more space than he was allotted on the queen size bed. A king size was purchased to allow for more comfort for all 3 of the beds occupants. Most of the time, Watson was snuggled right up against the legs of his new mommy. Other times he could be found under the bed usually with some bone or a wrapper he had illicitly acquired from some place or another. The bedroom was the most frequent location for Watson to have a conversation with people. All you had to do was rub his ears and Watson would start talking up a storm. He had a pretty rough life, especially after a new television was purchased and placed in his new bedroom. Watson was often referred to as being a “cow” by his daddy who enjoyed his conversations and naps with Watson during odd hours of the day. Watson began the terrible twos soon after this period. He was quite interested in chewing up most of the plastic toys the kids would frequently leave around the house. One of the more devastating losses was of a red trolley from Uncle Dave that looked exactly like the one from Mister Rodgers. The chewed up trolley still rests on the author’s shelf with his other non-chewed Trolleys. It was soon discovered that Watson could not be trusted roaming the house alone. So it was decided he would take German lessons. Becoming fluent very quickly, Raush Shanoush became the command to signify that it was time for Watson to return to HIS bed. The door was closed and he was usually well behaved until he heard the garage open on the Nelson's return home, at which point the door would be attacked with nails. The door still bears the scars of those days. Watson was too humble of a dog to show off tricks to people. The author does recall teaching him to jump up and give him a kiss when he returned home from school. The author was continually told not to teach him that, but Watson learned it anyways. Watson liked to eat. Watson didn't always like to eat dog food. Watson became a consumer of fine gourmet foods. To name a few: pizza crust, sandwich crust, BBQ leftovers, French fries, cheerios, and most notably a freshly cooked steak all for himself. Always conscious of time, Watson consumed the steak he had acquired from the grill in less than 1.8 seconds. A remarkable record that still stands in the Nelson family despite attempts by recent additions to the family to break it. In the early 90s, Watson stared in his own series of children books. This of course following the precedent set by Leroy the Cat when the circus came to town, but that is a different story. In the mid 1990s, Mom became a baby-sitter for a number of children. Watson became her trusted assistant. He was always right there watching closely as the children ate. On more than one occasion, he would balance himself against the high chair and get right in on the action of the food that was being served. Often times consuming it himself, just to make sure it was safe for the children. Watson became the favorite of such celebrities as Katie Campbell and her notorious sister Maggie. Watson didn't seem to mind additions to the family like Ursula the cat who showed up one “snowy” night. He also seemed fine with the new kitten Lydia, who actually turned out to be Pippin. As long he was allowed to sniff them, Watson was happy. This was probably Watson's favorite past time. So much so that in one of the many adventure dramas the neighborhood kids would act out in the backyard, Watson took on the part of Sniffer. Watson was very protective of his backyard. Pooping in it almost constantly. He was also very active in conservation, as he would quite often fight you for a stick. He could be calmed rather easily with the right amount of rubbing behind the ears. It is a common fact that Watson was a devout Packer fan. He had always wanted to be the Running Back for Green Bay. So much so that every time one of the kids would leave the door open just a crack, Watson would take off running as if for a touch down. On numerous occasions massive “manhunts” were put into effect in order to locate the pup. On one occasion Watson got very close to being shall we say, “tackled” by a defensive linemen in the form of a steamroller on East State Street. Watson was also a well-practiced comedian. Almost daily he would do his best impression of the mailman who for some strange reason would bark back at Watson. Watson's favorite holiday was by far Christmas. Not only did he get to sniff out that new bone under the Christmas tree, but also it was a chance to see Uncle Bill. Watson was always very affectionate with Uncle Bill after barking at him for a time. In 1996 Watson experienced probably one of what he would describe as the most traumatic of his life. He would be over exaggerating as he usually did of course. While camping at Rock Cut (Watson's favorite get away spot, the big city exhausted him) Watson became the proud new brother to Camper Coleman Max Nelson. Camper's story is one of its own, but it is closely united with Watson's. Watson was now the leader of a pack in the Nelson house. The two would often argue about who got the table scraps but in the long run there was no argument these two rascals couldn't settle over a friendly tug of war game with Camper's knot. Watson was well practiced after playing this game with the Nelson children's socks. Watson retired from tug of war in 1999. Together Watson and Camper became an inseparable team. Camper learned a lot from Watson about obedience, walking, barking at the mailman, the doorbell, cars. Watson was a good teacher. As Watson grew older, he became more health conscious. He limited himself to only 7 feedings a day. He also became more environmentally conscious. He was the founder of a recycling program in the Nelson's backyard that continues today. Camper quickly followed suit in cleaning up the crap in the world. 1996 also saw the passing of Watson's longtime friend Leroy. Watson was grateful for the friendship he had with the old cat and mourned privately on Christmas Eve. As the teenage years dragged on in the Nelson house, Watson was sad to see less and less of his boy and girl. But he was always there to listen to girl troubles for Tommy. The author assumes he was equally understanding if not more protective of Christina when she found boys. Watson also became a frequent means to woo women for the author. Who could ever resist that beagle's charm? The author recalls Watson being most happy when walking around the block with one of his owners. He would hold his head up high as if to say, “These are my owners and I am proud to call them my own.” Watson had good days and bad days. But there was hardly ever the day that a good ear and belly rub couldn't erase. Watson was very grateful when Animal Planet became a regular channel in Rockford. Watson is also known to have been one of the most well versed dogs in Civil War and World War II history in part to his daddy's frequent watching of the History Channel. In 2003 Watson, like everyone else was sad to see Tommy go off to Marquette University. But that freshen year Tommy was home frequently and summer vacation was always great for catching up. The winter of 2004-2005 saw the greatest change in Watson's life. He retired from the active lifestyle that was offered on Vale Ave South and moved out to a retirement community on Fenceline Drive. Watson didn't seem to mind the move too much. His bed and TV were there so he was happy. He was very excited about a new yard to “poopulate” and a whole bunch of new trees to sniff. Over 60 on the author's last count. Fenceline began to offer new challenges to the aging beagle. Gone was his big picture window from which to observe the passing cars. He made up for this every chance he got at the front door and on Tommy's bed. One big challenge was knowing exactly where people were going to come in. At Vale, when the garage door opened, everyone knew it. Watson had taught Camper to follow his lead and bark anytime that door opened. The new garage was very quiet, which probably made for a few more restful nights for mom and dad as the kids began to come home later and later. The first time the doorbell rang was very confusing for Watson and Camper. The bell was familiar enough from Vale for them to know what it was, but what they didn't know where to go! The front door on Fenceline was used so rarely that they ran to the garage door, as that was the main egress and ingress point for the family. Arthritis began to take its toll on Watson who began having trouble making it up on to HIS bed. Removing the bed frame and making the bed more user friendly to “Watty” solved this problem. Losing his picture window was hard for Watson. But he did take great comfort in his new sectional sofa in the living room, with a television. The couch proved to be very comfortable for taking naps during the day. And once he could no longer make the jump, the connecting point of the two sections proved to be a comfortable place to rest. Especially after Camper knocked down some pillows and blankets. 2005-2006 saw Watson beginning to suffer from a bladder problem. He could no longer always control when or where he was going to go. This made him angry and frustrated at times. One of the new joys in Watson's life was becoming the adopted-grandfather of a new puppy. Sparticus J. or Sparky came to the Nelson's in early 2006. Watson took it as his duty to become the young pups mentor. No one made sure that dog knew his place better than Watson did. Sparky learned a lot from Watson in the all too short time the two lived together. Watson was now the patriarch of the Nelson family pets. He was proud and happy of all he had accomplished. Watson led a full life filled with adventure, barking, sniffing, sleeping, eating, cuddling, barking, napping, pooping, eating, barking, and sleeping. He was at peace with himself and with his family when he passed on. He was a great friend and full member of the family for almost as long as Christina had been. His legacy will live on with Camper and Sparky. Ursula will now be the Matriarch of the pet clans, but it is rumored she will surrender her authority to Camper, who learned first hand from the master exactly what it means to be a pet in the Nelson household. That is not to say that the Cats didn't learn a thing or two from Watson about getting what they wanted. Some would say Watson was spoiled. Others might think he was treated too much like a person. All I can say is that Watson was loved. We all loved him and he loved us more than anyone could imagine. We thank God for the gift of him in our lives for as long as he was. We ask the Lord to keep watch over him now and pray for our brother Timmy to take good care of him. Rest in peace Watson. We love you. We miss you, and we thank you.
The End

So easy a caveman could do it? Apparently not.

2007-10-02T17:58:00.000-07:00

Well here we find ourselves again in the middle of the big fall premeire week on network television. Tonight I found myself taking in ABC's new fall lineup. The highlight of this evening's lineup was the results show of Dancing with the Stars. Thats not what I watched. I did however watch the premeire of the new series "Cavemen" based on nothing other than the Geico car insurance ads. Based on nothing is pretty much a good way of describing the show. So ill give my little opinion. Okay here we go again.

Okay Go? That song was on two different shows today as I was channel surfing. I think music directors should keep looking. Granted it is a pretty cool song.

Anyways Cavemen seems to have filmed 6 episodes already, and my guess is that no more episodes will be made. Unfortunately the show really didn't go anywhere. Nor did it mention Geico. I was in fact expecting it to be one long advertisement.

The basis of the show is that cavemen have co-existed with humans all throughout history. Apparently I missed that one. As humanity evolved, cavemen apparently became more sophisticated and not to mention more snobish.

The plot of tonight's premeire centered around how a caveman who had a girlfriend who was not a caveman, she was a homo sapien, or sape as the characters called it. The drama came from when the one caveman's roommate was very closed minded about apparently "interspecies" dating. Which I guess if I had to form an actual opinion about, I would have some questions about as well. The main caveman had a brother who recently had his heart broken. The brother caveman is played by SUPERMAN RETURNS Jimmy Olson. If that description of characters was confusing for you, than your keeping up with the show pretty well. All 3 cavemen looked pretty much exactly alike, and you never really caught their names that well. Maybe it was just me.

This was the first show in ABC's make it a "Man date" lineup. Cavemen was followed up by Carpoolers. 4 pretty weird men who car pool together and how their lives interact. It had its funny moments but it was hard to tell how serious they were taking it. I guess they were sort of trying to pull off the success of other such concept shows such as SURVIVOR?

I don't know both of the the shows were somewhat enjoyable. Just neither of them really went anywhere. Maybe if their had been a laugh track it would have been more enjoyable.

Speaking of not going anywhere, anybody catch the Chicago Bears performance this past Sunday amazing. I am pretty sure their WAS a laugh track associated with that.

Speaking of fake laughter, I figured out exactly what it is that I don't like about Hillary Clinton. She may in fact be the Wicked Witch from the Wizzard of Oz. Take a look:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gPcqy0pvdsI

So she may also be stoned off her rocker almost all the time. Or maybe someone is tickleing her? I am not sure.

So this has been a fairly negative blog, lets find some positiveness. There was a highlight during Cavemen, it was a Snickers commercial featuring a Pilgrim and a Viking at a gas station. The pilgrim walked out and told the Viking that they didn't have any Snickers left. The Viking, erupts in a rage out of not having a snickers bar, that he picks up a garbage can and hurls it at a parked car. The pilgrim than tells him he instead bought a new candy bar, Snickers dark chocolate. The Viking then lets out a more joyous grunt as before and then picks up a garbage can and hurls it at the same parked car out of pure elation of getting a snickers bar. The best part about this commercial is that a pilgrim and a viking are hanging out in a car and no one mentions it. IF you ask me, this might make a pretty good television series someday. We'll have to look into it.

Ladies and gentlemen take my advice, when constructing an ultimate battle weapon a so called Death Star, as it were, make sure that you are keeping a close eye on everyone involved in the construction. Otherwise you may find the whole thing becomes vulnerable to one tiny insignificant X-Wing class fighter and its two meesley proton torpedoes.

PS: Aaron Morey (I forgot to mention him in the actual content of this entry so I hope this makes up for it)

Previously on the 4077th Cell Phone...

2007-09-25T20:38:00.000-07:00

I have recently decided that this is one of my favorite times of year for television viewing. First the NFL is in full swing every week as are Aaron Morey's biceps. I decided to get that reference out of the way quickly.

So when not watching football games, the rest of the week you can watch ESPN talk about the games for 3 days and then until Sunday they talk about the games that are about to happen. Pretty amazing. It's also quite exciting now because Major Leauge Baseball actually starts to matter at this time of year.

Another reason this is also exciting time is because all the networks are starting to premeire their new fall line up. Whether they be new seasons or new (ring ring ring). Oh sorry, its Mrs. Rudy Guliani, I have to answer this. Hang on a second.................................................................. .....................................................................................................................................................................

Alright as I was saying, whether it be new series or new seasons of old shows, it's a great time to watch TV. I took the liberty to check out a new show called "The Big Bang Theory" on CBS. It was pretty funny actually. I am not sure how long it will last, but I enjoyed. I would recommend Aaron Morey check it out. Then NBC premeired the Second Chapter of "HEROES" which was well worth the wait.

But one of the things I noticed last night was that many of the premeires had limited commercial interuption. We were informed of this fact because all of the shows that had limited commercial interuption were able to be shown in that manner because one company paid for the time that should have been commercials. So I guess the point is that it was a giant commercial for the one company, many of them car companies.

This is where the humor starts, and I know you've been waiting for it. This was a direct ad for Chevy. "The premeire of CSI is brought to you with limited breaks by Chevy."

Now is it just me or is the last thing Chevy should be sponsoring would be anything with "limited breaks"? I hope you can find the humor in that as well. I also hope somebody in the marketing department thought long and hard about that later.

Ladies and gentlemen take my advice, if you advertise that you do battery installations at Wal-Mart, you better darn well make sure your mechanics or technicians are able to remove a battery from an automobile especially if its only to replace a headlight. So really Wal-Mart really has no business being in the automotive care business.

Tomatoes Not Guns

2007-09-22T21:03:00.000-07:00

Good evening everybody I am the internet's Tommy Nelson, please please sit down, it is really not necessarry to stand and applaude for a blog once it is loaded. Unless of course you have a really slow internet connection. It's a great day for America isn't it? Not such a great day if your a tomato in the city of Milwaukee. Today was what I believe to be the first annual Tomato Festival in Milwaukee. Essentially it was actually just an excuse to drink Bloody Mary's and for people to get drunk. The highlight had to of course occur when 60 participants were allowed to enter a cage, yes a cage, and have a great Tomato fight. I was fortunate enough to be able to participate in the first round of the fighting and let me tell you as a first hand witness to it. It was quite a seedy event if I do say so myself. No one appeared to be seriously injured, but boy was it exciting. Tomatoes flying every which way. Reminds this blogger of his days back in 'Nam. But then of course you have to remember that I wasn't born yet. The cage match was quite insane. There was a thin line of goo everywhere and the tomatoes were squishy. Insane, goo everywhere, and squishy. Remind you of anyone?

Not such a good day for "Republican" Presidential Candidate Rudy "Hobbit" Gulianni. While giving an address at the NRA or as some like to call it the National Rave Association, Mr. Rudy recieved a cell phone call from his wife. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NljO7w8fXKc

As you can see in the video it's apparently not the first time this has occurred. Now using this as my own political analysis platform, I am not really sure what message this is suppossed to send. Are these phone calls staged? I would have to say they are. The manner in which the former mayor reacts or rather doesn't react to the occurence makes me question the actual randomness of the event. So if that is true Rudy is using his family as an attempt to gain political clout. This to me is fairly cheap and not a great tactic.

If by chance this is not a staged event and random occurence, it sends a pretty terrible message about what a future Rudy Presidency might hold. Vote for Me: "I will interupt State of the Union, or better yet an important Intellegence Briefing in the White House Situation Room in order to take a phone call from my wife."

As my good friend and former ex-wife Aaron Morey put it, I am all for making time for your family, but using them as campaign event is pretty cheap. Or worse yet, not having proper time management skills to balance public life with priavte is a not a great Resume builder when applying for the Presidency of the United States.

Len Nicolosi on the other hand has always been an advocate for good time management skills.

On the other other hand, the election continues to not be occuring until November 2008.

On the other other other hand, there is a 3 fingured glove.

Ever hear of the song classical gas? Great instrumental piece. I am gonna go try and find that. And no classical gas is not that strange odor eminating from the Men's Catholic House.

Well I certainly hope someone other than Aaron Michael Francis Morey aka The Whip got some kind of enjoyment out of this. And Mr. Rudy by the way, if you are in fact elected to the White House, please consider me as the official White House blogger.

Ladies and gentlmen take my advice, the same strategy should not be successful twice in the same night of Mafia. In case it is, no hard feelings should exist between participants. Afterall it is just a game. But on the other other other other other other other hand, so was Jumanji.

She boy what? Thats right, She boy gan

2007-09-16T20:55:00.000-07:00

Allright, it has clearly been a long....LONG time since Ive posted on this blog. And probably even longer since anyone has read it. But it is pretty scary that all this stuff is still floating around on the internet.

Well I've decided I need to start doing more productive things. Yes I know what you're thinking, "Tommy what could be possibly be more productive than watching episodes of The West Wing and Law & Order all day?" Well you're probably right, not a whole lot. I am convinced I will be able to one day pass the bar exam and possibly become President of the United States based on the information I have acquired thus far. But one of the things me and my good friend Aaron Morey Morey have learned is that we enjoy making people laugh. So hopefully this blog will be a chance to practice writing.

So i am going to try and analyze football games, politics, current events, as well as answering that never ending question that has plagued generations for ever, what happens to convicted fellons possessions when they go to jail?

So together we will embark on this adventure. I hope you either enjoy it, or hate, but i hope you have some kind of verb to go with it. With that let's begin shall we?

I can't wait for Lettermen and Craig Ferguson this week. OJ Simpson has once again graciously volunteered himself to be the star of what will certainly be some late night monolouges in the next couple weeks.

If you haven't heard OJ which is short for OJ, Simpson, has been arrested in connection to an armed robbery. Thats right armed robberry. Allegedly he broke into a hotel room with 6 other armed men to steel sports memoribillia. I believe I heard he has been arraigned on 6 counts of armed robbery. I think there is a joke here somewhere, but i am pretty sure it writes itself. This is an actual quote from Simpson, "I thought what happens in Vegas stays in Vegas" I didn't make that up, i wish i had. Simpson is also claiming that he was just getting back property that was rightly his own.

On a related note New England Patriots Quarterback spoke out about the teams alleged tapping of the other teams signals with a cameraman claiming the signals were actually the Patriots and they were just taking back what was rightly their own. Thus continuing the Patriots path of being the team with the attitude of all deserving...like spoiled rotten brats.

A look at the NFC central standings brings delight to my toes.

Packers 2-0

Lions 2-0

Vikings 1-1

Bears 1-1

The Packers surprised everyone today by unveiling the fact that they actually have an offense. A kick butt one at that. Granted the Giants are not the best team in the world, but they are better than Notre Dame. Way better than Marquette's football team. But Breat Favre became the NFL's all time winningest QB today with 149 all time wins. Its going to be a season of record breaking for Favre who also today broke the record today for being the person John Madden talks about the most. Quite the excitement for Green Bay's favorite son.

I guess thats all for now, but i sure hope this gets to be entertaining for everyone. As it is for me.

Ladies and gentlemen take my advice, "I have a wide stance" is not an acceptable excuse for being stupid enough to let "Fake cops" into your apartment and rob all your fancy stuff. Long Live MUSG

SNEAK PEAK

2006-12-15T23:08:00.000-08:00

It's Not Gossip...It's The Truth

1. We're baaaack!

2. New relationship OFFICALLY announced.

3. East/West Schism ended by diaspora.

4. Some actual news

5. Enjoy the Holiday

1. WE"RE BAAAACK!

Hello good friends and lovers long forgot. This a quick sneak preview of what you can hopefully expect in some of your inboxes or blogs. For those of you unfamiliar with this let me welcome you back to the fastest growing online periodical, It's Not Gossip...It's The Truth. The original intention and a brief history of the ING will be covered in the first offical issue. This is just a sneak preview of what you can all be looking forward to in January. Or if you are an oppressor of the press, you will be dreading us, because we will be triumphant once again. The voice of the people will not be silenced. And by people I really mean our editorial staff, which has expanded dramtically since our last issue.

2. New relationship is "OFFICIAL"

Straight from the most reliable source of online dating comes word that a relationship that many insiders had been suspecting to happen offically exists. Facebook.com Newsfeed has just announed Aaron Morey and Kristin Jesuits are IN A RELATIONSHIP! Sources close to the couple say they knew there was something abound but they were never really sure til they saw the words in plain english on their computer screen during the daily stalking. ING wishes the best to this happy couple during their first two weeks of "officially" being a couple.

3. Holy Hesycasts!

One of the most frequently reported events in the original ING was the division within the community between East and West. This does not mean the Orthodox and Roman Catholic Church. The divide was between members living in Mashuda/Odonell and those in Cobeen, Carpenter Tower and Dwayne Wade Straz Jr. Tower Hall. Negotiations continually fell through the cracks and an Alaskan dictatorship stood between the chaos and the opportunity for real peace. Well since that time the schism has been ended. Unfortuantely it has been replaced by a diaspora of sorts. No one on the original e-mail list for the ING is really quite sure where anyone else lives. They are pretty sure they are not dead but former community members are spread all over this campus. North south, east, west, hell, people are turning up everywhere! More attention will be granted to this story as the ING goes to print.

4. Actual news, seriously we couldn't even make this up!

The AP reported recently on a Wisconsin man who accidentally struck a dear in the road with his truck. Not an uncommon event in rural Wisconsin, except for the fact that the deer had SEVEN (7) legs! Upon further investigation it was determined that the deer was actually two deer that failed to separate early in the embryo stage. This was evident by the presence of both male and female sex organs. When asked to comment about the deer the Wisconsinite had this to say, "Sure was tasty." Seriously who would want to make this up?

5. Enjoy the Holiday

We here at the ING follow the lead of Marquette University to grant attention to the special holiday of this time of the year. We would encourage everyone to remember what this time and break is really for. Not just for relaxing but spending some much needed time with the family, especially around the lights. Happy Hanakah everyone!

And thats the news for this your special sneak preview of all that you can look forward to in 2007!

You'll Believe A Man Can Lie.

Ladies and Gentlemen take my advice, remember to tell those you love that you care about them, and couldn't possibly imagine your life without them. Make sure you tell God how grateful you are for them as well.

Sometimes you feel like a post, sometimes you don't...

2006-12-15T15:43:00.000-08:00

I feel like want to add a post right now but I really can't think of anything humorous about which to type right now. But that never stopped me before has it?

Lets go deep shall we?

Today is my birthday, thats right I have been on this planet for 22 years now. As I get older, birthdays begin to mean less. I mean its cool that everyone is nice to you and you don't have to pay for food or anything, but seriously I can drive, I can go to R-rated movies, I can go to R-rated bars, what else is there really?

So I find myself reflecting more on my past. This day is less about me than it is for the people who love me. The most obvious example would be Aaron Morey. This is his favorite day of the year. Its really the only day that he can wear that "Tommy is my god" T-shirt that he had made on the internet with a picture of me on the front.

No just kidding, I actually think about my parents a lot. They probably remember the day of my birth a lot better than I do. A little known, or sometimes known, I don't know, fact about me. I actually had a twin brother named Timmy who died at birth. Yes I know you're thinking, TWO TOMMYS! wow. Well it's fun to think about. But at the same time I cannot help but wonder how things would have been different had Timmy lived. I also think about how easily it could have been me that died and he would be the one sitting here typing a blog.

Now the purpose of this is not to be morbid or sorrowful on a day that should be celebratory, because really its my birthday you should be rejoicing that you know me let alone I let you read my blog.

I cannot imagine the emotions that raced through my parents that day 22 years ago. How happy and overjoyus they must have been to meet me. But at the same EXACT same time, they lost a child. I am not sure how much they think about it, but to me thats tough. So I thank them for being strong and I hope they are able to take comfort in the knowlege that Timmy is in heaven.

How do I know that? Timmy is a Saint in my book. I used to think he was my guarding angel but then I learned we don't actually turn into angels. But he is probably really tight with my gurdian angel ya know?

Timmy is a saint because he gave his life that I might live. You could argue this with me if you wanted to, but you would be a jerk. Think about it. It could have just as easily been me that suffocated on the embilical cord as it was Timmy. I am here for a reason. There is a reason God chose for me to live and Timmy to come home to Him so quickly. Timmy has got my back to this day I am sure. He knows there is an important reason for me to be here. The only problem is that I don't know what that reason is yet. But through the prayers of him and the other wonderful saints God has put in my life I am sure I will be okay.

So Happy Birthday Timmy, I love you bro. Thanks for always being there for me.

Ladies and gentlemen take my advice, you better be nice to me, it's my birthday!

Anyone for some Election analysis?

2006-11-08T14:49:00.000-08:00

When I was a sophomore in high school, it was the 2000 presidential election. This was a big election for me. It was the first time that we would possibly be electing a president that I could like. For some reason, dating back to the second grade, I never really liked President Clinton.

So I was eager to root for George W. Bush to win the presidency over VP Al Gore that year, despite the fact that I could not personally vote. I remember going home from school that day and staying glued to CNN. I later moved on to covering all the networks, CBS, NBC, andABC. I was right there with all the anchors as the AP and other reputable agencies made the projections as to who various states' electorial votes would go. I even had a piece of paper on which I kept track of the number of electorial votes each candidate had keeping in mind the number to beat. Unfortunately I had to go to bed that night not knowing who had won the presidency. As did all of America, that night, and many others til December I think. It was close. TOO CLOSE TO CALL! as I remember Dan Rather saying numerous times that night. In fact I seem to recall that phrase becoming the running gag which I used the following weekend on a team building retreat. Ha!

Anyways, ever since then, I have LOVED watching Election Returns coverage on various networks. In 2004 I remember trying to type a theology paper for Fr. Mueller that was due the next day while watching CNN in 1610. I didn't do too well on the paper. And in fact according to the Media, I went to bed later that night then did both President Bush and Sen. Kerry.

So the point of the story is I love election analysis, even though I am not an expert except to the degree that I am naturally an expert in everything.

So lets do some analysing shall we?

This years election has found me completely out of the loop of national politics. But completely ignorant of Illiniois' races.

What I did know is that no one in Illinois likes Gov. Rod Blagoveiechdadkhggheej. So no one was really excitd to vote for him. But what did the Republican Party in Illinois do? They nominated Judy Bar "Bar Bar" Topinka for the top state gig. Even fewer people like her. The vote went 50% to Roddy and 40% to Bar.

The most interesting thing to observers was the 10% of the vote garnered by the Green party candidate known only as "Whitney." People in Illinois must have been pretty desperate to not vote for anybody. Rod is quoted as saying, "I don't even want to vote for me."

So moving north of the border where things usually make less sense, we come to Wisconsin. Where you can now be executed if you get a gay marriage, but only if you rapidly withdrawl from Iraq. Rapid withdrawl, and I thought this would be a clean blog.

Anyways there were two really interesting races in Wisconsin. The Goobernatorial race and the Constitutional ammendment defining marriage as one man and one woman. Right up into election day experts were saying that this would be closer than Aaron is to Morey.

The Governers' race went quite decidedly to Jim Doyle who kicked Mark Green's butt and beat him in the election too. Doyle recieved a tremendous 53% of the vote to Mark Green's 45%. Not a tremendous defeat but quite clearly a defeat. No where near as close as it was predicted to be.

Now on the ammendment issue. In the weeks leading up to the election, this has been the most debated issue amongst heterosexuals since that whole Opera thing awhile back.

But the numbers, much like my hips don't lie. An astouding 59% of the voters said YES to defining marriage as one man and one woman. 1,260,554 votes counted towards YES. It wasn't even close. Which is qutie interesting considering the number of votes Jim Doyle recieved. It's quite clear that the conservative base was never really in Mark Green's camp, or his pants. Apparently Doyle has done a good job and people want him to prove it. Many people consider the staggering loss deliverd to NO as being partly attributable to the last second resurrgence of the third party candidate, "ONLY on Tuesdays." The message of the third party really struck a cord with grass roots activits that is people who are active and have grass as hair.

In other news, Aaron Morey recieved .000001% of the vote for Representative to the assembly in the 16th district. Which puts him tied with Tommy Nelson. A recount had been requested but the candidates were then reminded they had each voted for one another. Nelson had this to say, "I am just really proud of the way my campaign went. Considering we didn't have any money and didn't really do any campaigning. The resulsts are clear that Wisconsinites have a fever and the only cure is some Tommy. Imagine what we could do if people were to give me money?"

Nelson was later arraigned on charges of election fraud, ballot tampering, and first degree possession of a duck.

On a personal note I must say this election should be interesting as to how things play out in the long run. I am a little dissappointed in Republicans but not much. They essentially did it to themselves. In some sense i am glad of the outcome. If Democrats gain the Senate just as they have done with the House, there should be some changes in The United States, and I think it's clear we need something. But I just don't trust democrats to do all the RIGHT changes. They're evil. But i am pretty sure Republicans are evil too, so i guess in the long run it doesn't really matter.
The people have spoken and in the long run, thats really what it is all about.

God Bless America!

Ladies and gentlemen take my advice, for all the best election returns, and analysts, keep it tuned to the 4077th Cellphone. You'll be glad you did. There is no off on the genius switch.

I am Tommy Nelson and I approve of this message.

Paid for by people with nothing better with which to spend their time or money. Robert Wild S.J. Treasuer.

I am a naughty blogger

2006-10-29T15:23:00.000-08:00

Happy LIMOWEEN! er um, I mean Halloween. So for those of you who don't attend college, this entry may come as a little bit of surprise. Apparently Halloween is the holiday for 10 years olds and younger and 18 year olds and older.

As one of my brilliant Housemates pointed out, apparenlty the costume companies only make one size of costumes for both the 10 year olds and the 20 year olds. This results in some creative and cute costumes for the kids, but for the college kids it turns into costumes not quite fitting as much as they really should.

So patrolling the streets of Marquette's campus i felt i needed to go to confession just for observing and reporting as my job entails. It wasn't as if i could really close my eyes.

So the running joke is, that for costumes you just come up with any old person, place, thing, or idea. Add the word naughty to it, take off half your clothes and you have yourself a genuine Halloween costume.

Some of my favorites that we've come up with:

Naughty No Parking Sign
Naughty wriggley field.
Naughty Brett Favre
Naughty accountant
Naughty Ryan Grusenski
Naughty Aaron Morey (you knew that one was comming don't lie)
Naughty homeless person.

So too all those attending college soon, prepare for a shocking showing of skin on halloween.

Ladies and gentlemen take my advice, if an altercation occurs and a firearm is discharged, please do not spred rumors that 6 MU students were shot in the leg or any other absurd rumors like that. In the long run it just makes you look fat.

Cura (insert fake Latin sounding word here)

2006-10-10T14:22:00.000-07:00

WARNING: This blog may contain information and words that may be sensitive to some readers. Viewer discrestion is advised.

In the wise words of Peter Griffin..that means you know it's good.

So the Marquette Tribune, possibly the finest most distinguised newspaper to use for lining the liter box, has sparked a recent debate in the Viewpoints section. Thats where students write in what they're pissed off about. Kinda like a blog, but someone who is so whinny they want everyone to see it. Where here when I whine about stuff i know only Ryan Packer or Aaron Morey see it (obligatory Aaron Morey reference)

But the following is a viewpoint that inspired me and Aaron Morey to pen a response. This is where things get a little awkward especially for guys who don't even know how to pronounce this word let alone why its health would be important to my family.:

Cura vaginalis
By Hannah Yaritz
CATHOLIC PEOPLE HAVE SEX. THERE. I SAID IT. WOMEN HAVE VAGINAS. MEN HAVE PENISES. THESE ARE FACTS, I AM NOT LYING, AND I AM NOT ASHAMED TO MAKE THESE STATEMENTS. WHAT I AM ASHAMED OF IS ATTENDING A UNIVERSITY THAT DOES NOT BELIEVE THESE THINGS TO BE TRUE. OR IF THEY DO, THEY DO A GOOD JOB OF COVERING IT UP. — Vaginas and penises are important parts of our body: They give us pleasure and create new life. They need to be cared for and they need to remain healthy, so we as humans are healthy. The simplest way to keep these parts healthy is to protect them from harm. There are all sorts of forms of protection. We wear underwear to protect our vaginas and penises from being chafed and to prevent germs from getting inside of us. We wear protective gear playing sports to guard us from injury. We also use condoms while performing sexual actions. Condoms protect us from infections that could harm us and our partners. They also protect against unwanted pregnancies. Oral contraceptives protect women from unwanted pregnancies as well. They do a number of other things to keep women healthy, but the main purpose is to prevent unwanted pregnancies which could potentially lead to an unhealthy relationship with a partner, a child who is not appreciated or an abortion.
Now this may seem very obvious to most of us, but I am not certain it is clear to the people who make decisions for Marquette. Director of Student Health Services Dana Mills said in a Sept. 26 Tribune article, Condom maker..., "Marquette provides an atmosphere where the health and well-being of the total person — physical, mental, intellectual and spiritual — is encouraged and promoted." She is wrong. The university is not doing a good job caring for the whole person. My vagina is part of me and it needs to be protected. It needs to be healthy and it needs to remain that way. It needs to remain that way for the relationships that I have with my family, my future family, my friends and for those who don't even know me. Why? Because my vagina is part of me. It defines who I am as a person and who I am going to become. If I want to make a difference in the lives of others, to be a woman for others, I need my vagina to remain healthy. My peers need their vaginas and penises to remain healthy for the same reasons.
Marquette is a Catholic, Jesuit university, they must abide by those rules. I know, we all know. However, it is very ignorant of them to not take into consideration that their fellow Catholics are having sex and are being put in harm's way because the university fails to support them by means of protection. The very least they can do is to tell us where we can go to receive the help we need since they cannot help us themselves, and Marquette fails to do that. In my eyes, Marquette has failed.
Yaritz is a junior in the College of Communication.

Now this is all well and good. But I think Yaritz missed a more critical health problem on campus. So here is myself and Aaron Morey's response.

Cura nasalis: Marquette stinks at nasal hygeine
By Thomas Nelson
Marquette students have boogers. There, I said it. We all get them. What do we do with them? Some scratch them. Others pick them discreetly with Kleenex. Still others brazenly dive in wrist-deep. I am one of those who dive right in.
I'm not ashamed of my choice (and I stress that it is my choice) of booger extraction technique. What I am ashamed of is how afraid my school is of discussing proper nasal hygiene. The nose can be a source of great aromatic pleasure. It must be well taken care of in order to continue providing the greatest possible olfactory experience. It needs protection.
On this point, Marquette frankly stinks. Milwaukee is an odorous city. Between breweries, tanneries, the river and the people smoking all around, there are many elements detracting from the simple daily pleasures of smell. The university also fails to educate the student body on where to obtain such basic needs as tissues. They are not in classrooms and they are not provided at residence halls. This can lead to chafing and unsanitary hand wiping. Some have even stooped to using rough, unforgiving toilet paper or paper towels.
I mean it quite literally when I say that this blows. Tissues can protect us against infections that can deeply affect us and those dear to us.
I plead with the university to reconsider its stance on nasal hygiene awareness. And I ask all readers to remember: You can pick your friends, you can pick your nose, but never pick your friend's nose without proper protection.Nelson is a senior in the College of Arts & Sciences.

I don't want to get into a debate over the subject matter of the oringial article but its pretty clear she simply used the words "penis, sex, and vagina" to get the shock value out of it. So our response to her...well to make fun of it of course. It's what we do. The standards may have been lowerd by her viewpoint but Aaron Morey and I made sure they keep getting lower.

Ladies and Gentlemen take my advice, if your ever in a luncheon with three theology professors and they are discussing some of the work they have published, it is probably not a good idea to discuss your recently published article about boogers.

I am not an expert, but I play one in real life...

2006-09-25T16:08:00.000-07:00

Hey folks

Welcome back. Since the last blog, I have been on fall hiatus. I have since started my senior year of college at Marquette University.

Which means it's time to figure out what the MotherF**kin Snakes I am gonna do with my life.

So since I spend so much time on this blog giving you folks advice, I will be open to your advice as to what I should do with the rest of my life. Remember I will probably live at least another 7 years. That's kind of a long time.

In the meantime, this past weekend, I was with my fellow Men of the St. Claude Men's House. We discovered that men have this tendency that when they're with each other (especially with women around too) they have a tendency to know the answer to EVERY question that could possibly be posed. We thought about this and for a brief moment thought it might be complete hogwash on the part of men to one up each other. But then we realized that can't possibly be the case. Men are in fact experts in pretty much everything. So we made a list...

the complete list can be found at http://www.mscs.mu.edu/~amorey/Expertise.html

Here's the whole thing though too:

Things We Have Been Trained In
Music
LIMOs and Student Safety
Trolley and Forest City Queen
Home Repairs
High School Ministry
Computer
Humor
Sarcasm
Sexism
Grilling
Superman
Mentos and Diet Coke
Things We Are Experts at Naturally
Astronomy
Bible Scholar
Canadia
Dinsaurs
Engine Repair
Fact checking
Guerilla Warfare
Hot Tub Repair
Inventing
Jeeometry
Knights
Light Sabers
Macroeconomics
National Politics
Optical Illusions
Pirates
Quests
Rrrrr Pirates again
Swords
Time travel
Ur mom
Vigilantism
Wikipedia
X Country Hiking
Yooseless Information
Zoology

Ladies and Gentlemen take my advice, if you are in the midst of a light saber battle with a roomate, and one of you gets hit in the face twice, chances are that a third lightsaber battle will only produce yet another smack in the face.

If I had a little brown box to put my Jimmy in...

2006-08-22T19:09:00.000-07:00

... I'd wrap it up and leave it at the doorsteps of the girl's night.

Megabonus points to any of you folks who remember that song, i mean the real song.

So that little title sums up my last night in Rockford a few days ago. A good time was had by all.

So the other night I had the privlige to dine out with my fellow supervisors from Student Safety Programs. We went to a little joint called Prime Quarter.

Here is my problem with this place. It is a "cook your own steak" joint. What a novel concept. I know many times Ive been sitting at home and thought to myself, "Gee I am too lazy to cook my own food. Let's go out for dinner. Wouldn't it be great to go out to dinner somewhere and be able to cook my own meal?"

I just don't understand. Doesn't that destroy the entire concept of going out to eat? Isn't the point of going out to eat to have someone else cook your food for you? I am not trying to reinstituite slavery or anything. But hey, I am paying for service. And then this place still assigns you a waitress. Who brought us drinks...once! Am I suppossed to tip her?

I don't know, it was a lot of added stress that I had to pay to experience. Well i didn't pay for it, the Department of Public Safety paid for it. I am no cook. What if i burn my face off. I burned ALL of my Texas toast everytime!!

Grrr, oh well. I am back baby! Freshmen move in tomrrow followed by 10 hours on night shift. 7:30a.m. -3a.m.

Ladies and Gentlemen take my advice if you find a big box on your doorstep and you think that Jimmy is in it, do not I repaeat DO NOT kick the box. Chances are that Jimmy is probably in it.

"I want to go on Kyrios until I am as old as Tommy and Mike..."

2006-08-07T18:53:00.000-07:00

I have recieved several complaints, mostly from myself that this blog has been a tadbit too serious lately. Which is fine because we are all friends here. So I've decided that we need to spice things up with the goal of making people laugh. One of the greatest joys and gifts I have been given in my life are my friends. They are pretty funny. And not all of them have blogs. So what I feel I should do is give all 3 of my readers a chance to better get to know me by doing light UNAUTHORIZED biographies of my friends. So this will be a reoccurring theme of some entries until I get bored or sued. So here we go. Let's start in alphabetical order of course.

Aaron Morey (1927-2005)

Aaron Michael Francis Danger Morey was born the son of a poor immigrant farmer in the southern part of Germany. Aaron was raised by his birth father, Sven Morey. Sven had one joy in his life, and that was his AM/FM raido. So he took those initials into consideration when naming the now infamous Aaron Morey.

Aaron Morey led a realtively normal life until abou the age of 3. By this time, Aaron Morey had already begun to hate Sven. He was very bitter that Sven was not rich enough to purchase Aaron Morey a Mac.

So Aaron Morey being the resourceful child that he was decided he was going to build his own Mac. Utilizing stolen scraps of metal from the airplane factory where he worked. He then decided he would disassemble the AM/FM radio that his father Sven valued so much after which he was named.

Sven returned home late one night from a hard day of selling snow cones at the local amusement park. Not having enough money to afford dinner, he was carrying a small squerrel that he had caught at the park earlier in the month and had saved for a rainy day.

Sven found Aaron Morey with the AM/FM radio scattered accross the room in little tiny pieces. Sven began to become very angry, at this point Aaron Morey was ready to make his own destiny. Having no formal training in Computer engineering Aaron Morey had accidentally built a small light saber. He then used it to vaperize Sven into tiny little pieces. I think he may have in fact turned into a duck.

From there Aaron Morey rose to power in Cuba. He reigned as supreme leader of Cuba for about 4 days before he got bored. By now he was ready to learn more about computers.

Which brings us to the present day. Aaron Morey is now studying to be a Computer God. He will create his own race of computers who will dedicate there hardrives and software to the Service of Aaron Morey's supreme will. Kind of scary.

He is currently working a robot that will defend him from monkeys that try to bite of human fingers.

This was kind of weird, maybe this will just be a new Aaron Morey show!

Ladies and Gentlemen take my advice, when trying to defend your religion of being made fun of by fat ex-magicians, don't encourage him to make fun of the Jews.

I AM BURNING ALIVE...

2006-08-07T15:56:00.000-07:00

I apologize but this is going to be along the lines of serious. This will be a little insight into my relationship with a special someone. It's not Aaron Morey (for those that were thinking shame shame and double shame Kristen knows where you live) This is actually, about my faith and relationship with Jesus.

I just got back from spending the weekend feeling like an oldman on Kyrios 28. It seemed like it was a good weekend and a good time was had by all. I was COMPLETELY exhausted today when I woke up despite achieving adequate sleep hours. I guess I just really am getting old.

Anyways I was walking to Gesu from sleeping in my spanish class today. I was reflecting on the Kyrios weekend and the role that Kyrios has had in my life for such a very long time now. I remembered how in the old days Kyrios was sometimes about hanging out with a cute girl or something. But as I've grown up I've realized the weekend is all ABOUT GOD! Don't get me wrong, the girls are still cute, but they are born in the 1990s.

So I was thinking about what it is like to fall in love with someone or have a crush on someone. And I realized that should be the way we think or feel about Jesus. Now as with any of my metaphors, this one is not perfect, but it still worth reflecting upon.

When you are in love or infatuated with someone, what goes on?

It seems like all you can think about is that person.
You rearrange your schedule to try run into them randomly throught your day.
You can't help but get lost in their eyes when you're talking to them.
When you're with them it's as if nothing else in the world really matters.
Everything just feels right.
You love talking to that person but you equally love just being with that person, even if no words are spoken.
You try and think of fun and cute things to do for the person.
You can't help but talk about that person to other people.

We've all had these feelings about somebody at one point in our life. But what if we took these feelings and applied them towards our relationship with Jesus?

What if as we went through are day Jesus was always on our mind? What if we try to encounter Him more and more through Mass or Adoration chapel?
What if when Praying to Jesus all that mattered was that we were with Him?
What if we took more time out to just pray and sometimes when we couldn't find the words we just listen?
You do fun and cute things for other people for Jesus
You talk about Jesus to other people.

I don't know, maybe this is how some of you already feel about Jesus. But I've never been able to say that I am madly in love with Him. I know He is madly in love with us, He died on the cross, so I am not really sure what my point is beyond trying to make Jesus Lord of Our Life!

Ladies and gentlemen take my advice, if you are ever burning alive, eventually you will be laughing so hard that you will need a moment now. Remember these important words for that moment, LA LA LA LA LA LA LA LA LA LA LA LA LA

you are my joy

I think I am out of bait...

2006-08-02T20:48:00.000-07:00

Hey Folks

Just a quick update. I was thinking about it, and I think I pulled an "Oprah" this weekend. Or a Lance, whichever you prefer. It's a new saying I am trying to get started, it means making a big deal about telling people something incredibly obvious that they or everyone already knew.

I hope it catches on.

Anyways, the title of this blog, I went to confession today and this was something the priest told me. He asked me if I were out of bait. Hmm, I guess I should really take up fishing.

Anyways here are two pieces of advice since I kind of Jyped all ya'll last time.

Ladies and Gentlmen take my advice, when you come home to find the House T.V naked and spread out accross the floor, don't be surprised that when you come upstairs, Aaron Morey is doing the same thing.

or

Ladies and Gentlemen take my advice, Never under estimate my Jesus. You're telling me there's no hope, I am telling you you're wrong. He WILL be strong.

Please pray for the Kyrios squared weekend this weekend!

Hey Folks...

2006-07-31T11:07:00.000-07:00

Today I decided it would be fun to write a "Len" e-mail. Hope some you will enjoy this.

Hey Folks

The other day I was sitting in Spanish Class working on a composition. Now the funny thing about being in spanish class and writing in spanish is the fact that I really don't know any spanish. I can speak spanish about as well as I can play guitar, and just ask Len that's not very good.

So I was sitting there staring at the blank paper. This paper needed to have writing on it in the next 20 mintues, or I was going to fail the assignment.

It reminded me of other times I've had to write things. We've all had that 10 page paper, or talk for a retreat that we needed to write. Sometimes we have all these great ideas going through our head and are really excited about the possibilities of what may happen. But then we inevitibly sit down with our pen and paper to write and something happens that stops us dead in our tracks. Maybe some idea we had for the basis of the paper or talk turned out that it wouldnt work. Maybe the whole paper or talk was based on that one idea. And that result in writer's block and this can be a very scary feeling, especially when the paper or talk is due the next day!

I was reflecting on this in my prayer time today. Sometimes our life can be a lot like writing a paper or talk. We have all these great ideas about what we want to do with our life. They can even be great ideas that we think we are including Jesus in on. We can plan to get married to our boyfriend and girlfriend and raise a truly Catholic family ( a noble vocation). Or we could apply to a seminary or convent to dedicate our life to the Lord in a religious vocation. But sometimes our plans just don't work out the way we thought they were going to.

Our boyfriend or girlfriend could break up with us, the seminary or convent could not accept us. Then all of a sudden we have these great plans, contingent on our one idea that are suddenly going no where. We have encountered a big blank piece of paper in our vocation.

But this is where the metaphor between the big paper or talk you have to write and our vocational discernment ends. You see we may have a deadline for the paper, but when it comes to our Vocation, we are completely on God's time. We may think that we want to know right now what we're suppossed to do with our life. But if we are diligently praying and trusting in God to lead us in our discernment, then there is really no reason to be pushing a deadline. The hard part is handing over the pen and trusting God to write the story of our vocation for us.

We may think we know what we want to do, but we have to always remember God has a plan for us. God reminds us through the words of the Prophet Jeremiah, "Before I formed you in the womb I knew you" Jeremiah 1:5.

God's always had a plan for us, the trick is to completely let go and trust in that plan. There is a reason God has placed in whatever roles we have. Whether it's Kyrios team, a certain college, a certain job, and it even sometimes explains why we are friends with certain people. We must trust that God has a plan for us, and will in His time present us the people, tools, and most importantly the courage we need to discern what the Lord has planned for us.

Have a good week Len, Colleen, and I are praying for you.

JOIN US THIS SUNDAY FOR OUR KYRIOS 28 CLOSING LIFE TEEN MASS

KYRIOS TEAM WE STILL NEED YOUR REGISTRATION AND MONEY BY THIS WEDNESDAY

CONTINUE TO PRAY PRAY PRAY FOR THE RETREAT

THERE WILL BE NO LIFE NIGHT THIS SUNDAY OR PEER MINISTRY ON MONDAY DUE TO OUR KYRIOS CLOSING MASS

Uncle Bill was wrong...

2006-07-30T21:11:00.000-07:00

Hello friends.

Just a quick update to inform some of you of the tremendous weekend I have just had. This will be humorous as much as always, but quite possibly a little serious. Hopefully you will be able to tell the two apart.

This weekend I was fortunate enough to be invited to my former House Mate, Bryce's cabin in Minnesota. I made the 9 hour journey with my current roommate Sam. Aside from threating to kill one another, we shared in good discourse as well as tremendous tunes from the radio and Ipod as well.

The first adventure began as we were heading out of Milwaukee on I-94 West. For those of you unfamiliar with 94, it was in fact once a Pirate shipping lane. The ghosts of many spirits are rumored to haunt the highway making it one of the most exciting and yet most dangerous roads you will ever travel. Fortunately we however, did not run into any pirates. We did however, encounter a Tornado. That's right there was a Tornado Warning (Tornado reported spotted on the ground) in Waukesha county just as we were driving through formentioned county.

We didn't see the tornado but it was pretty much zero visibilty.

After that things were pretty unexciting til we tried to cross the Wisconsin/Minnesota border. You see, Minnesota and Wisconsin don't get a long very well. I think it stems from the fact that Minnesota's wife cheated on them with Wisconsin. Either way it gets kind of messy and soap opera-ish.

Well at the border, the Minnesotian mounties (horseless, they were however utilizing large pogo sticks) asked our reason for entering their state. Well to be funny I told the guy, we were planning on stealing the Golden Loon Statue from the State Capital. Well apparently they take that very seriously in Minnesota. They tried to apprehend us. Sam's car may not accelerate as fast as my Jeep, but it can sure out run a pogo stick any day.

We made a quick stop at a gas station to pick out a clever disguise. I went with Sunglasses, Sam chose the more subtle Huricane Katrina refugee. Eitherway we got away. I did however get hit on by the check out girl at the gas station. I think she could tell I was on the lamb or loon as it were as was attracted to my sheer outlaw nature. I got her number on the reciept for the sunglasses. But it's hard to communicate, every time I call a voice just answers "Thank you for calling Citgo, how can I help you?" So we'll see how it goes from there.

We eventually made it safe and sound to Bryce's cabin. It was a great weekend relaxing with friends old and older. It was great to get out of Milwaukee and just be away without a care in the world. I took a lot of time to pray and read.

It was almost a retreat. I learned a lot about myself, about my relationships, about where my faith is, where it is going, and quite possibliy my desitny. It was a truly memorable weekend, one that the effects of will not soon be forgotten. Hopefully the Lord was using this weekend as a way to prepare for the up comming Kyrios weekend.

Also in Minnesota we swam in the lake. There are an alleged 10,000 lakes in Minnesota. I saw 23 of them. Not to mention crossing the Mississippi River 3 times while traveling the SAME direction.

After surviving tornados, mosquitos, and venemous mutant fish, its time to get back to the real world of Spanish class and JFK conspiracy. Hmm. I said this was going to have some humor in it but it was pretty much all the truth. This weekend was pretty mucht the greatest thing ever!

Ladies and Gentlemen take my advice, friends and the relationships you have with them are perhaps one of the greatest gifts God has given us. Remember to make sure you are always friends with Jesus. But never take your friends for granted. Make sure they know how important they are to you. We can have lot's of friends. You can be friends with men, women, beavers, even invisible people. Each one is a special grace God has placed on this earth. It doesn't matter how many friends you have. The greatest gift would be to have one great friend. If you have ONE truly great friend, someone you can tell ANY thing and EVERY thing to, then you are being blessed with a little piece of "Heaven" on earth. I love you all.

NO DUH!

2006-07-26T13:38:00.000-07:00

Lance Bass of Aaron Morey's favorite band "N'Sync" was recently quoted in a scholarly journal (People Magazine) as admitting to being Gay.

This comes literally seconds after Oprah's shocking announcement that she is NOT gay.

Is it just me or is our standard for "Big News" gotten a lot lower over the past few years. Now a days it seems like anyone with a big podium and a microphone can have a press conference.

Just today while walking to class I noticed Fr. Wild having a press conference to announce that the sculpture of Pere Marquette is back and better than ever.

HELLO! THERE IS A BIG FREAKIN STATUE THAT LOOKS LIKE A HOBBIT I think we're gonna notice that it is there.

So I am not longer concerned with Americans running out of Natrual Resources such as Oil, water, or M&Ms. We need to be worried about running out of press conferences. Now that Oprah and Lance are abusing the power of the press, anybody will be having a press conference. So one day we will run out of reporters to cover them, and there will be no one to report on the big news of the day. Scientists have discovered mythical Lockness monster in Austrailia!

Ladies and Gentlemen take my advice, if you're on a plane and you see a snake. Don't shout "There's a mother f***in snake on this plane!" Simply pray for Morgan Freeman to send the interecession of Samuel L. Jackson. Everything is going to be all right, rock a bye.

Dew Point of -8!?

2006-07-25T15:34:00.000-07:00

Hello Ryan Packer and Aaron Morey. I hope you two are doing quite well since you are the only ones of my friends who read let alone read my blog.

Since this is more of an intimate gathering of acquaintances, we'll travel through the adventure that is this blog together. So let's buckle up and get ready.

The title of today's blog refers to the weather report I saw on Milwaukee's very own WTMJ 4. You might be familiar with them, they are the the local news station that encourages the touching of its anchors, reporters and staff. (Touch Today Today's TMJ 4) But please, don't really try and touch them, they are entagnled in many sexual misconduct cases as it is. They are right behind Superman.

On Thursday, my roommate Sam and myself will be making the trek North to Minnesota to visit our good friend Bryce's family cabin. It is apparently a 9 hour drive and with Sam's work schedule and gas mileage should put us in town no later than November 22, 2038. Now this is a good thing and let me tell you why.

November 22, 2038 will be the 75th anniversary of the day that President John F. Kennedy was assassinated in Dallas Texas. This is significant because all of the top secret info regarding who ACTUALLY killed JFK will be released to the public from the National Archives thanks to the Freedom of Information Act. So I'll be ready.

What kind of information has yet to be released you ask? Well very important things such as the socks that JFK were wearing. Why is this important. Well The Warren Commission would have you believe that Lee Harvey Oswald shot JFK from the Texas School Book Depositry. They would also have you believe the doomed President was shot in the head thus ending the President's life. Well the truth is that a secret agent (probably a Nazi) was hiding in the floor of the Presidential Limo (no not like the ones i Drive) and shot JFK in the foot. The bullet traveled up his body to his head where it ignited the patch of dynamite that had been planted by Marilyn Monroe on one of her many "Fact finding" missions with the President. The end result is the explosion and eventual death of the president.

All right I kid I keed. I hope none of these key words ends up getting me flagged by homeland security...AGAIN.

On a lighter note I was relieved to know that Oprah is not, never has been, most likely will not be gay. I had a feeling she was straight. Glad she cleared that up for us. I saw the way she looked at Dr. Phil.

So to be a complete ripoff of David Letterman, here is a Top Ten List!

10. Your cell phone is constantly vibrating, and yet you have no vibration function.
9. Is that a pair of nail clippers in you pocket?
8. What do you mean the rubber-bands aren't free?
7. I love men.
6. Tommy Nelson needs serious therapy for his messed up love life.
5. Superman may have returned, but the kid is still a bastard.
4. Aaron Morey is right on Bobby's tail, if you know what I mean.
3. It's Student Sexy, not Student Safety.
2. Why is Derrick Turnbow always wearing a french maid outfit?
1. Fat guy on a bike

There you have it, A Top Ten List. Not really top ten anything.

Ladies and Gentlemen take my advice, if you're trying to impress somone or possibly even flirt with them, don't say even stupider things than you usually do. It's really not cool and quite psychotic if you ask me.

SUPERMAN Returned...

2006-07-04T14:34:00.000-07:00

All right. It has been just about a week since the long anticipated SUPERMAN RETURNS came flying into movie theatres. I had the distinct pleasure of viewing the film with some of my best friends. My reaction was not great at the time. And most of the following synopsis, not quite review yet, will be from the first reaction point of view. I've had a chance to see the movie a second time and enjoyed it more. I warn you I will be revealing HUGE plot elements so i you haven't seen the movie yet, stop reading this blog. But considering the fact that i only know 3 people who read this blog and they were all with me when i saw it, i guess it won't be too much of a problem. Up up and away!

I was surfing Supermanhomepage.com and read someone's opinion that they were absolutely thrilled and yet disappointed at the same time. I couldn't help but feel the exact same way. IT WAS GREAT seeing Superman in action. I just would laugh out of pure fanboy giddyness when he would rescue somebody. The music, the effects, the homage to the first film...great!

I was a little out of breath from running when the opening credits ran. I almost passed out. I just wanted to cry/laugh/scream at the same time. It was amazing hearing the John Williams score with the credits rolling. Visually it was beautiful. It was like sensory overload, I felt I needed to read every line of the credits while watching the journey through space.

This movie had soooo much to offer. But something just didn't feel right. The editing seemed a little odd at times and I noticed certain scenes that I've seen online missing.

Lex and Superman had 5 minutes on screen together. I timed it the second time i saw the movie. That includes 45 seconds back on the plane with Lois and Richard. This needs to be at least tripled for any future films. Its like they're were two different story lines that happened to interact eventually. And I know we all know Lex and Superman's history, it just felt like we needed more. Deep down we knew why Lex was beating the crap out of Superman, and yet if felt like we should have a better explanation for why Lex hates this guy so much.

More Martha Kent would be good. There were a lot of scenes of her online and even in the trailer that ended up on the cutting room floor. I would venture to say that would make the movie better. I could be wrong and I know it probably killed Bryan Singer to cut some of this stuff he did. 4 hours would be too long for most people to sit through a Superman movie. Although we better get an extended edition DVD like the LOTR treatment.

I bought everyone in their various roles from seeing the trailer except Lois. Kate didn't seem to do it for me in the trailer. But then the first time we see her in this movie and she is at the press confrence on the plane throwing questions out, I was like SHE IS LOIS! But then the whole "mommy" thing came into play. Lois Lane is not a mommy. It's not in her character for her to have someone so dependent on her such as a child, and i think that's why we had such a hard time buying Kate as Lois, because she wasn't the Lois we were used to. She was Lois if she had a kid. Which I am begining to accept.

Which raises my biggest complaint with the movie! THE KID. I have been afraid since i heard there was a kid in the movie that it would be Superman's but Singer is always talking about how you have to be true to the character that has been around since 1938. Well he screwed up here. Since 1938 Superman has never had a kid. There is a reason for that.

It adds a whole new dimension to who Superman is, just as being a father adds to any man. Now it is a unique aspect that would be interesting to explore with Superman. He would be a great dad. But not like this. Not out of wedlock. And no freakin Super Power please. Its one thing to be a husband and drop everything to go be Superman, but you can't really drop being a father to go stop a volcano etc...

Ihave had a chance to discuss the kid with my good Superman friends. It was brought to my attention that many of things we know and love Superman for were not straight out of "cannon." Kryptonite for example came from the Radio show in the 1940s. Flying was not even one of his original powers. So the more I thought about it, the more I was excited for Superman to finally have a son. This is something I may even hope comes to the comics, where Lois and Clark are happily MARRIED and Clark is himself, not hiding behind Superman. The way the movie is showing things, Lois doesn't even really know who Superman is. Let alone who Clark is. I think this needs to be adressed. This also raises some problems for the Man of Steel. Lex Luthor knows the kid is Supe's. Will Superman marry Lois? Or will Clark marry Lois? Assuming marriage is even brought into the picture. Is Superman going to be a father or will he simply "be around" as he so elegantly put it at the end of the movie. That's my problem with the kid, it just makes Kal-El seem kind of like a Deadbeat dad.

But the more I think about it, the more I can't blame this movie for Superman's seemingly lack of traditional morals. Superman II is where he actually slept with Lois. The kid is a direct result of Mario Puzzo promising to explore the sexuality of Superman back in the 1980s.

So it will be interesting to see where things go from here. I hope this clears up some things. I was having a really tough time right after seeing this movie. I saw people loving it like I loved Batman Begins and I really wanted to love it to jump up and down, but I couldn't bring myself to that level of excitement. That's what truly disappointed me. It could be a result of following a movie through production from casting to premire that builds up so much excitement no movie could deliver enough. But something wasn't completely right about this movie. My first reaction was that I wished Superman would kiss me so that i would forget everything.

IT will never rate anywhere near SUPERMAN THE MOVIE mostly b/c it just used a lot of the same script. Which as a fanboy i love and apriciate the effort but it seemed as if they were trying to do it too hard and too long. But I did LOVE the homages to the first film.

Ladies and Gentlemen take my advice, don't let any aerial mishaps put you off flying. Statistically speaking, it's still the safest way to travel.

105C Is My Hero

2006-06-21T14:35:00.000-07:00

Great shades of Ryan Packer! Boy has it been a long time since I have posted on this blog. I think I actually forgot it existed til just moments ago. I was so sick of doing Spanish homework that I was actually reading my OWN Facebook profile as oppossed to stalking others. It was there that I discovered a link to a magical place called the 4077th cell phone blog spot.

I was like woah this seems kind of cool, i don't remember putting that in my profile. So I clicked the link and was instantly transported to the blog. Reading the previous entries, I couldn't help but be filled with such humility. The author must totally be one awesome dude, and one hot piece on man meat. That's when i started to realize how similar everything seemed to my own inner dialouge. Low and behold, IT'S MY BLOG. My real blog, not some fake blog perpetrated by the Department of Homeland Security to ruin me. But here I am it's me.

So as I have mentioned I've been in summer school. Taking Spanish 003 and not doing very well. Which is really upsetting and discouraging because I am not the bad student i used to be. It's just really really hard. And the fact that it's summer always makes me a little sad. I miss being home with my family, the parents, the sister, the cats and the dogs, all THREE of them now. Sparky is the latest addition to the Nelson clan. He is quite cute, but big, loud, and destructive. I am not sure how long he will last with Watson and Camper running the show.

Don't get me wrong I do have fun at work sometimes. It is mostly driving around aimlessly watching other people enjoy their freetime. I do like money and some of the companionship of my fellow workers. Other times i get sick of them, mostly because its the same people day in and day out. But I do enjoy them usually. One time that i had the most fun is when i was in Dispatch for 10 hours and one of my best friends joined me in an Indiana Jones movie marathon. We only got through the first 2. But on my extended 10-7 we took a nice walk around campus. It was really awesome. I opened up like I haven't in a long time.

This past weekend was Kyrios # 27, my 15th overall and consecutive. I currently hold the active record for most consecutive. Gutz holds the overall and consecutive but has missed some so I can certainly catch up. Dave Spataro missed this one so that gives me a little buffer. Putting I believe Bobby VanSistine as the closest person behind me in consecutive with Aaron Morey close on his tail (no puns intended).

May the Lord Jesus be praised and A DOOR ed from every mountain top.

Ladies and Gentlemen take my advice, if you ever get the chance to vote on a U.S. Sentate resolution, outlawing the use of self inflating stories in life....VOTE YES. Together we can stop Dave Spataro.

All right that was a little mean, let's try again

Ladies and gentlemen take my advice, if you ever want to use a gun to rob a Jimmy Johns', make sure you rob one that isn't 15 feet from a Public Safety Department with cameras everywhere. Especially if you don't want to be chased down by one LT. Use your head not your rubics cube.

Once upon a time I was falling in love...

2006-04-21T13:27:00.000-07:00

...Now I am only falling a part.

Well this is not entirely true. But I thought it would in fact be a catchy title for my blog this time. I hope everyone is doing well (all 4-5 of you [mostly Ryan Packer]) Which is fine since you guys know who you are and rock my world. Or throw rocks at it, depending on your mood.

So whats been up you ask in a collective inquiry? Well we are smack dab in the middle of Easter Day! That's right, Easter lasts 8 days in the Catholic Church. The early Christians knew how to party. I spent my Holy Week and Easter Sunday in Arizona. It was quite nice you may want to know, and unfortunately there were no mountain lions spotted by myself. There was a little white frog that jumped on my boot as I was walking and I screamed. It was pretty funny in the "I am a pansy" sort of way.

On the way back to Chicago, I picked up a book in the Tuscon International Airport by Humor columnist Dave Barry. Its called His money secrets. It is really quite funny. I've always enjoyed Dave Barry's writing style. He writes kinds of like I think. The complete randomness is the humor I admire and try to aspire to, and laugh my face off when it tickles me.

It is going to be a busy weekend. I have to work tonight for 10 hours and then tomorrow when 1400 of Marquette's finest are volunteering for Hunger Clean-Up 2006, I'll be getting paid for driving them places. I'll probably guilt trip myself into donating the wages from that day to some deserving charity, such as the Tommy likes pizza fund. But seriously its a good cause.

So I must leave now to prepare myself to help maintain the safety and security of Marquette's campus. I am sure there will be lots of drunk girls forgetting to put on all their clothes tonight, it tends to happen when its warm out!

Until next time...

Ladies and gentlemen take my advice...When the going gets tough, it means you probably haven't tried hard enough. If you think you have tried hard enough, you haven't. You don't really have the "winning" mindset of a champion. Why don't you just go cash in your kidney for some pocket change and buy some cheep beer? The most success you will experience today will not involve anything that you would call home to mom about. Maybe if you wanted her advice on how to get blood out of an ironing board. You disgust me you really do. You make me sick.

IT'S MORPHIN TIME!

2006-04-05T15:05:00.000-07:00

Hello dear friends, enemies, and Romans. I would like to say that it has been a long time since I have posted, but that is such a very common theme on many people's blogs. It seems like this whole "blogging" thing was really cool for like a week, but then the kid almost got expelled and everyone is afraid that the next thing they write could raise some red flags to the folks at Marquette's School of Dentistry. Watch out man, they'll pull your teeth out before you've even tasted the mint flavored dental floss.

I still haven't decided entirely what the purpose of this blog is. Originally intended to be an anti "Trollyman" blog site, the perpetrators of the false blog have seemed to surrender after their last humiliating post. Also each blog was suppossed to have advice, but I forgot it last time.

So let us take this opportunity to change the theme of the blog. You could call it a metamorphisis, or "morph" for short.

I just finished the second season of Mighty Morphin Power Rangers today, again instead of homework. It was pretty good. Some of the episodes dragged and others were cool. The White Ranger is pretty intense, but I still lean a little towards the Green Ranger, both of which are the character Tommy, so I guess I am a little biased.

This week and next should be pretty good. I only have one test tomorrow and it's multiple choice. And then at 3:15 tomorrow my weekend begins as it does every Thursday. I'll be attending Thursday dinner, Catholic Outreach and then taking the reigns over at SSP for my 10-3 AFS shift. It should be pretty fun.

Friday is a whole new ball of wax this week! I don't have to work! I've not had a Friday off in a long time where I wasn't attending some sort of retreat. So I think Dom, Scotty, and me will be taking in the Brewer's game that night at Miller Park.

Saturday I will however, be making up for the lack of work on Friday. At 8a.m. I will be helping administer the LIMO Test Course. I think that goes til 3ish but then I am the on Duty AFS from 5-3. So if my calculations are correct, that's almost 20 hours of work in ultimatley one day! Woo Hoo. I complain about it but in the long run thats what I live for. Whether it be the Trolley and FCQ or SSP I usually love working. It's better than being bored. Although I think my longest day at either SSP or the FCQ would 13 hours. So this will be a new experience. I will in fact be meeting my weekly hours in one day. Cool.

I suppose I should go study for some tests now, I'll probably just look up Power Ranger web sites though before finally getting some food and watching LOST.

Ladies and Gentlemen take my advice, if you ever on your way from school to the local Gym and Juice Bar, DO NOT cut through The Park. The Park is one of THE MOST frequently attacked places by Lord Zedd and Rita's evil henchmen. Chances are you will fight some putties, probably Goldar, and then Zedd will turn one of your personal items into a monster. Then you'll have to morph, fight some more putties, before finally calling on the Thundermegazord to destroy the monster of the day. True, the entire encounter will only take 22 minutes, but save yourself some time and frustration, just take the long way to the Juice Bar. Zordon will be glad you did!

701 to the vans...

2006-03-09T14:27:00.000-08:00

Well I suppose I should enter a new blog entry since I know you are all waiting to see it. Marquette just lost to Georgetown in the Big East Tourney...I hope you are not hearing that news for the first time here.

I am officially on Spring Break which is pretty cool since I don't have class on Fridays. I'll be going home soon enough. But first I have to go to Catholic Outreach and at least 15 hours of work at SSP. And tommorrow I'll be driving L.I.M.O. instead of supervising. So we'll see how that goes.

Recently, somone pretending to be me has posted a blog claming to know in numerical order exactly what and who I care about. I would like to point out the insensitivity of this issue as my dog Watson was mentioned. Watson is currently expereincing liver or kidney disease were not sure. Either way, he probably hasn't got much time left. So way to be sensitive on the part of the psudo-Tommy. I'll be sure to laugh when one of your best friends is dying.

But here is a revised list:

1. God: The Father, Son, and Holy Spirit
2. Mary
3. The Roman Catholic Church
4. My family and friends
5. My pets
6. The Youth Group
7. Student Safety/Public Safety
8. Rockford Park District Forest City Queen/Trolley Car #36
9. Pizza
10. Superman/Batman
11. The Apollo Missions (NASA in genneral)
12. Mighty Morphin Power Rangers
13. The Blues Brothers
14. The Packers
15. Oreos

If your going to try and label my in a numeric sequence at least get it right.

All units are NOT 10-4, NZU 400 is NOT clear...

2006-02-26T14:30:00.000-08:00

Recently, a lot of people I know have either entered into relationships, taken those relationships to the next level by becoming engaged, or decided to enter the religious life. Those are pretty big things in the lives of these people.

I am very happy for them, but sometimes I can't help feeling like the lone SSP unit that isn't cleared for Station ID. I wish 590 would just shout at me so I would finally be okay.

So yeah, Freshmen 2-Day retreat as this weekend. Lot's of fun! Good times and God times!

Praise Jesus now and forever

Ladies and Gentlemen, take my advice, when life gives you paper cuts, take the paper, tear it into tiny pieces, lite the remaining pieces on fire, take the ashes and stamp them into a hive of angry beaver bees, and then sit back and laugh, because you have had the last laugh.

Has anybody seen my pants?

2006-02-23T06:52:00.000-08:00

Hello.

So here it is day two of MY blog. The real blog of Tommy Nelson, despite what others, including Aaron morey may attempt to tell you.

So yeah, this week is long. Next week will be longer. Thank goodness springbreak is comming quickly! Unforutnately I can't seem to find any words of wisdom or insight, but maybe as I become more expereienced at this whole "blog" thing, I'll be able to make more interesting and more enlightening posts. Til then...

Ladies and Gentlemen take my advice, not every hamburger you find on the ground is fit for consumption. Friends don't let friends eat out of other people's garbage.

What have I done?

2006-02-22T13:21:00.000-08:00

Hello freinds and enemies.

It has come to my attention that I have not caught up to the world of blogging. So starting immediately...here i am!

You are welcome to comment on the thoughts and rambling that I may or may not decide to post. Just remember that we are here for me. No one really cares what you have to say. I am the boss your not. Also make sure you don't talk bad about the Dental school. They are a little touchy these days. So on a closing note I suppose thats all i have to say.

But before I go, let me leave you with widsom of Dr. Sydney Friedmen...

Ladies and gentlmen, take my advice, everyonce in a while, pull down your drawers and slide on the ice.

Thank you and goodnight