Monday, April 21, 2008
Stop! It's Beaver Time!
Hello dear Aaron Morey, I am indeed back and blogging.
This one is intended to be more of commentary on several news stories I have encountered today. Hopefully the humor will just find its way in.
Let's start with the big story on everybody's mind these days:
Rescued Beaver Dies during Papal Visit
Tis a sad tail. No beaver pun intended there. Dam! Oops.
Anyways, some New York Harbor Patrol was on duty near the UN Building in New York City in order to protect Pope Benedict XVI from the monster from Cloverfield. While patrolling, some quick-witted officers spotted a Beaver struggling in New York Harbor. One officer is reported to have said, "Dam that beaver seems to be struggling in the New York Harbor." It is worth noting that the Supreme Court is slated to hear a case against the New York City Harbor patrol regarding cruel and unusual PUNishment.
The beaver was rescued by the Harbor patrol and sent to the New York General hospital. Upon realizing the hospital didn't have adequate facilities to take care of a BEAVER, the animal was given a special transport (The Pope-Mobile was available as the Pope was attending a screening of Iron Man starring Robert Downey Jr.) to be taken to a special beaver facility in New Jersey. New Jersey of course being infamous for being the best DAM place for a beaver to get medical attention. Sadly the beaver died en route.
Notice that article was taken from the New York Times. All the news thats fit to print? Dam straight.
Moving on to the second most venerable news source that I read, the following is from the Rockford Registar Star. You can file this one under.
"Things I am going to hell for laughing at..."
A child was struck by an ambulance and then loaded into that ambulance after sustaining apparently some pretty bad injuries. I laughed at the title and the line about the kid being treated by the same ambulance....but then I said a prayer. Seriously I do pray that everything works out okay and that everyone involved gets better soon. But the irony was fairly there wasn't it?
Dam
And also from the Rockford Red Star (Dam Communists)
The Reason I went to Private School
This is all about an Illinois law requiring 20 seconds of silence at the beginning of a school day. This is for students to utilize for literally whatever they want. To pray, focus on the day, or even to help Barack Obama beg the country for more change. (Dam I stole that from the Onion)
This is literally about to become a federal case because some judge has ruled that it is unconstitutional for schools to require a moment of silence. The article doesn't do much to show why the judge feels that way, but i imagine it has something to do with allowing school prayer.
Now personally I am not in favor of Organized prayer required in public schools. I am however in favor of allowing private groups to pray or organize in a public school. Or if the student wants to take time that has been allotted to him or her or it to pray to whatever being they see fit. You know most of them are obviously thinking about the upcomming Hannah Montana special on Disney Channel that afternoon. At the very least allow the children to pray for the dam beaver in New York!
What really bothers me about this is the amount of time being devoted to scrutinizing what amounts to 20 seconds of a 6 hour school day. Maybe if our judges and law makers would spend more time worrying about what goes into the other 5 hours 59 minutes and 40 seconds of our children's school days then we could have the best schools in the world! Thats right Sam Seaborn, education is the silver bullet!
Ladies and gentlemen take my advice, turn down the heat in the lobby of Humphrey Hall! Seriously its suppossed to be 70 degrees today inland!!
This one is intended to be more of commentary on several news stories I have encountered today. Hopefully the humor will just find its way in.
Let's start with the big story on everybody's mind these days:
Rescued Beaver Dies during Papal Visit
Tis a sad tail. No beaver pun intended there. Dam! Oops.
Anyways, some New York Harbor Patrol was on duty near the UN Building in New York City in order to protect Pope Benedict XVI from the monster from Cloverfield. While patrolling, some quick-witted officers spotted a Beaver struggling in New York Harbor. One officer is reported to have said, "Dam that beaver seems to be struggling in the New York Harbor." It is worth noting that the Supreme Court is slated to hear a case against the New York City Harbor patrol regarding cruel and unusual PUNishment.
The beaver was rescued by the Harbor patrol and sent to the New York General hospital. Upon realizing the hospital didn't have adequate facilities to take care of a BEAVER, the animal was given a special transport (The Pope-Mobile was available as the Pope was attending a screening of Iron Man starring Robert Downey Jr.) to be taken to a special beaver facility in New Jersey. New Jersey of course being infamous for being the best DAM place for a beaver to get medical attention. Sadly the beaver died en route.
Notice that article was taken from the New York Times. All the news thats fit to print? Dam straight.
Moving on to the second most venerable news source that I read, the following is from the Rockford Registar Star. You can file this one under.
"Things I am going to hell for laughing at..."
A child was struck by an ambulance and then loaded into that ambulance after sustaining apparently some pretty bad injuries. I laughed at the title and the line about the kid being treated by the same ambulance....but then I said a prayer. Seriously I do pray that everything works out okay and that everyone involved gets better soon. But the irony was fairly there wasn't it?
Dam
And also from the Rockford Red Star (Dam Communists)
The Reason I went to Private School
This is all about an Illinois law requiring 20 seconds of silence at the beginning of a school day. This is for students to utilize for literally whatever they want. To pray, focus on the day, or even to help Barack Obama beg the country for more change. (Dam I stole that from the Onion)
This is literally about to become a federal case because some judge has ruled that it is unconstitutional for schools to require a moment of silence. The article doesn't do much to show why the judge feels that way, but i imagine it has something to do with allowing school prayer.
Now personally I am not in favor of Organized prayer required in public schools. I am however in favor of allowing private groups to pray or organize in a public school. Or if the student wants to take time that has been allotted to him or her or it to pray to whatever being they see fit. You know most of them are obviously thinking about the upcomming Hannah Montana special on Disney Channel that afternoon. At the very least allow the children to pray for the dam beaver in New York!
What really bothers me about this is the amount of time being devoted to scrutinizing what amounts to 20 seconds of a 6 hour school day. Maybe if our judges and law makers would spend more time worrying about what goes into the other 5 hours 59 minutes and 40 seconds of our children's school days then we could have the best schools in the world! Thats right Sam Seaborn, education is the silver bullet!
Ladies and gentlemen take my advice, turn down the heat in the lobby of Humphrey Hall! Seriously its suppossed to be 70 degrees today inland!!
