Friday, May 01, 2009
One Flu Over the Cuckoo's Nest
Well it is certainly about time that all of us here at the 4077th Cellphone join in on the mass hysteria that is the latest Pandemic of global proportions. I am of course talking about the Swine Flu or the 2009 VH1 H1N1 Outbreak.
Now I am not a medical expert, though I play one on a blog. But I am a critic of pop culture and the media.
So this is what I have been able to take away from the coverage thus far. Swine Flu is pretty much just like the normal flu, except this particular strain of the virus originated in pigs. This flu has killed faaaaaaaaaar less people than the average run of the mill every day flu.
One thing I have heard is that the Pork Futures market has taken a hit this week with the pandemic of fear spreading out from the depths of Wolf Biltzer's beard.
Now this is silly since you can't get swine flu from eating pork products. Nor can you catch swine flu if Air Force One flies over your town in a terrifying demonstration of political ignorance.
But that is not why you tuned it. What is the real lesson we can learn from this outbreak? Should we close the borders to New Mexico? Probably. Should we kill all the cats? Most likely.
But the real lesson to take away from this outbreak is one that Aaron Morey will be every excited about. Quite simply, Americans are NOT eating enough bacon!
Think about it! If Americans were eating more bacon, there would be less pigs walking around being able to get sick. If pigs weren't walking around getting sick they wouldn't be able to make out with people and thus transferring their variety of the flu to humans.
So eat more bacon and there will be less pigs and you will effectively help prevent a global pandemic. Sounds like a good plan.
Ladies and gentleman take my advice, if you need a global pandemic as a reason to cancel an event called "Kiss the pig" at your school, maybe you should rethink your fundraiser endeavors.
Now I am not a medical expert, though I play one on a blog. But I am a critic of pop culture and the media.
So this is what I have been able to take away from the coverage thus far. Swine Flu is pretty much just like the normal flu, except this particular strain of the virus originated in pigs. This flu has killed faaaaaaaaaar less people than the average run of the mill every day flu.
One thing I have heard is that the Pork Futures market has taken a hit this week with the pandemic of fear spreading out from the depths of Wolf Biltzer's beard.
Now this is silly since you can't get swine flu from eating pork products. Nor can you catch swine flu if Air Force One flies over your town in a terrifying demonstration of political ignorance.
But that is not why you tuned it. What is the real lesson we can learn from this outbreak? Should we close the borders to New Mexico? Probably. Should we kill all the cats? Most likely.
But the real lesson to take away from this outbreak is one that Aaron Morey will be every excited about. Quite simply, Americans are NOT eating enough bacon!
Think about it! If Americans were eating more bacon, there would be less pigs walking around being able to get sick. If pigs weren't walking around getting sick they wouldn't be able to make out with people and thus transferring their variety of the flu to humans.
So eat more bacon and there will be less pigs and you will effectively help prevent a global pandemic. Sounds like a good plan.
Ladies and gentleman take my advice, if you need a global pandemic as a reason to cancel an event called "Kiss the pig" at your school, maybe you should rethink your fundraiser endeavors.
