Friday, October 24, 2008
Heeeeeeeeere's JACK!
Alright. I have a lot of requests from people to resume blogging on a regular "basis." Well my friends America can be angry no longer. For here I am with the long awaited return of the 4077th Cell Phone.
So where to start my entry? Well one of my more popular entries was a brief biography about my single most loyal reader, Aaron Morey. Now I am not going to do that again, but maybe its time I let you in on one of my current room mates. That's right its time for the Adventures of Jack the Cat! This may or may not become a regular event here at the 4077th. Let's face it, by the time I blog again, Bill Clinton might be the President again. Figure it out for yourself how that might come about. Seriously.
So let us begin with a brief introduction of Jack. Jack is a cat that lives in my apartment. He was brought there by my paying roommate Mike.
Jack's origin begins a few years before that. Jack was just your everyday run of the mill Cat. He had a nice family, and a regular 9-5 job as a stockbroker on Wall Street.
Jack was so good eventually he became the CFO of AIG. This was back before the financial crisis so life was pretty good.
One day Jack had just planned a vacation for him and his wife and 19 children to Disneyland. Jack liked to chase all the mice that ran around the park.
All of a sudden a bad bad person came into his office. In order to protect the innocent we will call this person Mr. Obama.
Mr. Obama demanded that Jack begin allowing for people who were bad bad people to start being able to take out mortgages on their mansions.
Jack didn't want to do it. He knew if too many people were allowed to buy mansions, the economy would eventually weaken to the point where the United States would have to be listed on Craig's List in order to survive.
But Mr. Obama told Jack that if he didn't comply, that he would be neutered and his kittens turned into violins.
Fearful of the ASPCA law suit that would follow if he allowed his children to become violins, Jack realized he had no choice. So slowly but surely, mortgages were given out to those who should not have them like poor people. One person was even allowed to buy at least 7 houses that we know about!
Jack saw that his indiscretion had caused a lot of trouble. He decided he would attempt to fix what he had caused. Right before he planned a press conference to announce his wrong doings, his children disappeared and he was fired from AIG.
Jack was left penniless and alone in the world. He managed to find his way to Marquette where after a lengthy discussion, MUSG voted to bail Jack out of his homelessness and allow him to live with Mike.
Since then Jack has become angry and vengeful. He has vowed to take his revenge on those who stole his family.
The End?
So as you can see Jack was single pawedly responsible for the current financial crisis that our nation now faces.
Ladies and gentleman take my advice, if I ever personally piss in your bed, feel free to treat me terribly. If that invloves squirrting me with a water bottle or pushing me off a book shelf, or not petting me very much, by all means I think we'll be even.
So where to start my entry? Well one of my more popular entries was a brief biography about my single most loyal reader, Aaron Morey. Now I am not going to do that again, but maybe its time I let you in on one of my current room mates. That's right its time for the Adventures of Jack the Cat! This may or may not become a regular event here at the 4077th. Let's face it, by the time I blog again, Bill Clinton might be the President again. Figure it out for yourself how that might come about. Seriously.
So let us begin with a brief introduction of Jack. Jack is a cat that lives in my apartment. He was brought there by my paying roommate Mike.
Jack's origin begins a few years before that. Jack was just your everyday run of the mill Cat. He had a nice family, and a regular 9-5 job as a stockbroker on Wall Street.
Jack was so good eventually he became the CFO of AIG. This was back before the financial crisis so life was pretty good.
One day Jack had just planned a vacation for him and his wife and 19 children to Disneyland. Jack liked to chase all the mice that ran around the park.
All of a sudden a bad bad person came into his office. In order to protect the innocent we will call this person Mr. Obama.
Mr. Obama demanded that Jack begin allowing for people who were bad bad people to start being able to take out mortgages on their mansions.
Jack didn't want to do it. He knew if too many people were allowed to buy mansions, the economy would eventually weaken to the point where the United States would have to be listed on Craig's List in order to survive.
But Mr. Obama told Jack that if he didn't comply, that he would be neutered and his kittens turned into violins.
Fearful of the ASPCA law suit that would follow if he allowed his children to become violins, Jack realized he had no choice. So slowly but surely, mortgages were given out to those who should not have them like poor people. One person was even allowed to buy at least 7 houses that we know about!
Jack saw that his indiscretion had caused a lot of trouble. He decided he would attempt to fix what he had caused. Right before he planned a press conference to announce his wrong doings, his children disappeared and he was fired from AIG.
Jack was left penniless and alone in the world. He managed to find his way to Marquette where after a lengthy discussion, MUSG voted to bail Jack out of his homelessness and allow him to live with Mike.
Since then Jack has become angry and vengeful. He has vowed to take his revenge on those who stole his family.
The End?
So as you can see Jack was single pawedly responsible for the current financial crisis that our nation now faces.
Ladies and gentleman take my advice, if I ever personally piss in your bed, feel free to treat me terribly. If that invloves squirrting me with a water bottle or pushing me off a book shelf, or not petting me very much, by all means I think we'll be even.
