Ladies and Gentlemen take my advice...

Extra points to anyone who catches that mid 90s pop culture reference.

So today at work I was reflecting on how sometimes the way things are going seem silly. I say, "Well I never would have planned it this way." That's when I remembered, Oh yeah, I DIDN'T plan it this way. God did. And even though I may not be able to make sense of this part of the plan at all times, I have to trust that God made the plan and He will see it to the finish. Even if I never entirely understand the plan, I know that it is His plan.

I mean look at the plan of Salvation. That didn't really seem to make a lot of sense at the time I am sure, but look how good its turned out. So to demonstrate that, I got out the fiction side of my brain and tried to flex it.

The following is the result. This may sound heretical or blasphemous at times, but that is not my intention at all. So heretical police and Aaron Morey, please stand down for the moment. It is purely intended for fun. It is neither a theology or history lesson.

It's the story about the day Jesus found out God the Father's big plans for him.

Phone call from God the Father to Jesus

Re: Mankind’s Salvation

ARE YOU READY DA DA DA DA DA DA DA DA DA DA DA DA DA DA DA

Bleep ONE MISSED CALL

Jesus: Woops, I was so entranced in that ring tone that I missed a call. It was like walking on water! Who was it from? Oh, it was my Dad. I better call him back before He gets too busy with creation again. I feel like I haven’t talked to Him in like a week.

Abba! What up Dad?

No I haven’t talked to Adam or Eve today. We’re supposed to hang out later today.

Lucifer? I thought you took care of him?

Yeah, well I told you Freewill was going to be tough.

He can shapeshift now? Into what!?

He told her what about the tree?

Adam ate it too! Ohhhh Me.

Fig leaves huh? Well maybe they will figure out Sandals soon.

So now what?

They’ll need some help to get back here won’t they?

You want me to help them?

Yeah, but

But

You want me to become a what!?

But

No I know, but

Sigh

Born of a virgin you say? Who would agree to that?

Oh she did? Yeah you told me she was going to be Immaculate.

Alright, so I take on human form, be born as one of them, live as one of them, and then teach them how to get back here with you and me and Steve.

I know he prefers to be called the Holy Spirit, but until there is some doctrine of the Trinity I am just going to call Him Steve.

So I go down, do some miracles, and badda bing badda boom! They are back to heaven?

How much more?

You are killing me with this you know. Literally

You want me to take on their sins and die!?

This doesn’t sound like a great idea.

Can’t you just punish them with like a flood or something?

Oh you tried that?

Hmm, well how bout making a covenant with them?

Broke that too eh? I am beginning to understand your frustration

Alright so I go down there, I live, I teach, I die and then I rise?

That just might work.

I get a church? Woo hoo. I’ve always wanted my own church.

Alright well, it seems like you’ve had an eternity to map out this plan. It kind of sounds silly at first but I must confess, it seems like you’ve thought of pretty much everything.

When do we begin?

You mean I have to work Christmas? Sheesh.

Alright, love you too.

Bye.

Ladies and gentleman take my advice, try and use this time of Lent as an opportunity to grow more in your trust of the Lord and His plan. I will pray for you. Please keep me and my trust level in your prayers as well.

Ladies and gentleman take my advice, you can't have Lent without LEN.

No this is not some love sick steroid induced Valentines day post. This is in fact a public service of some measure. The following is a product review.

We here at the 4077th CellPhone have one thing on our minds at all times. No not that. Its to help YOU the consumer to become better informed.

In an economic climate that can best be described as Armageddon, there has been an increase in the number of products available on the market to help you the consumer save money. One of the most widely advertised and reportedly most successful products has been The Snuggie.

Yes I know your saying to yourself, wasn't that a character on Seasame Street?

The Snuggie is known as the blanket with arms. Because how often are you sitting on the couch with a blanket when suddenly a British Soldier (redcoat) breaks into your house and tries to violate your Third Amendment rights. If only your blanket had sleeves you could have easily exercised your second amendment rights and shot him with that sawed off shot gun you keep on you while watching MTV, just in case.

Now you too can have the safety and security that comes with the Snuggie.

By Now you have probalby all seen the commericals. Old man with a snuggie. Old woman with snuggie. Whole family with matching snuggies participating in some type of pagan fertility rituals around a fire or while attending a local sporting events.

If your like me you wondered, does the Snuggie really work? Isn't it just a backwards robe?

Well I recently had the opportunity to test drive a snuggie and the following are my impressions.



I will admit, the sheer adrenaline and excitment are overwhelming. The sheer notion of seeing a Snuggie in real life and having the opportunity to try it on are invigorating. Though this is a wonderful feeling that could only otherwise be achieved with illicit pharmacuetical products, it may not be the desired result when relaxing on the couch.




Once the initial reaction of the Snuggie vanishes, the wearer is left with over sized sleeves and a backend that is almost constantly exposed. Reminds me of my first marriage.

One is tempted to engage in religious ceremonies again not exactly the "relaxing" feeling you were initially going for.

One major flaw that can almost be seen in the photo above is that there is no way to secure the snuggie around your backend. It is almost like a hospital gown. And if you can't walk around naked in your snuggie, really what is the point.

For me I will have to stick with the old fashioned robe.

(Psychotic-Aaron Morey-Eating Dog not included)

As you can see here the robe is secured with an amazing invention most comparable with a belt. My back end is modestly covered as well as my front. It is both warm and convenient.

So in the end I believe the blanket can come out of hiding as the Snuggie, however popular it may be will not be replacing it in bedrooms across the country anytime soon. That is unless of course the Blanket tried to sell a seat on the couch and the State Senate decides to remove the Blanket entirely from office. If that happens, well then the Snuggie will probably take over and try to raise taxes.

Ladies and gentlemen take my advice, if you are forced to choose between a Snuggie and a Slanket, go with the Snuggie. Nothing really beats name brand recognition in this frosty economic climate.