Monday, January 28, 2008
Why Grocery Shopping is similar to LIMO Driving
Aaron Morey
Okay now as long as I've got that out of the way, I thought I would share with you some thoughts that ran through my head today.
So I was running low on food in the apartment, or Studio 2A as I call it. So I did what every warm blooded Marquette Alumni does, called Jimmy Johns. Unfortuanately I no longer go to Marquette, so I did the next worst thing and got in my car and headed to the local SUPER WAL-MART in Sheboygan.
As I was acquiring my items in the various ailes, I started to realize I was using the same part of my brain that I used to while driving LIMO for Student Safety Programs. So here is the thought process:
I usually don't make a list of what I need, I just make a map of the store in my head and follow a route to the various food items. This is in fact the number one skill used by LIMO drivers.
So this struck me as an amusing thought so I began to take the metaphor further. So the following are some random thoughts and ponderings of why grocery shopping is like LIMO driving.
The Similarities:
The random things you see while grocery shopping and LIMO driving. i.e. today in Wal-Mart I saw a small child hiding in the bread shelf.
The bizarre stories you read in the tabloids in the checkout line are only slightly less believable than some of the drunk stories LIMO passengers shout at one another on their way home for the night.
Grocery store patrons are equally as hostile to grocery store clerks as they can be to LIMO drivers. And unfortunately some clerks can be as stupid as SOME LIMO drivers.
Equally annoying things shouted over loud speaker as shouted over SSP radio frequency.
The maximum number of people I've ever seen in Wal-Mart: 278
The maximum number of people I've ever seen in a LIMO: 278
THE DIFFERENCES:
Less vomit in a grocery store per capita
I was never promoted to Grocery Store Supervisor.
I've never spent more than 40 minutes in a grocery store compared to the 10 hours in a LIMO.
More accidents involving grocery carts than LIMOs.
I've never had to respond to a noisy cart only to have the guilty bread swear at me and then pull down its pants and flash me.
More cameras on Marquette's campus than in Wal-Mart.
Never have to wait for a box of Cheerios to get to the van from their apartment.
I've never found drunk guys passed out sleeping in my grocery cart, not that it couldn't happen I imagine.
People on LIMOs are generally drunk; people in Wal-Mart generally just weird.
Ladies and gentlemen take my advice don't show up to your last State of the Union address to Congress dressed in a Hawaiian shirt and UGG brand boots. It will only make your plan to turn the U.S. Navy into a cover band of the Village People, that much more difficult to pass the Congress.
Ladies and gentlemen take my advice, don't try and play the State of the Union drinking game alone. Friends don't let friends discuss politics alone.
Okay now as long as I've got that out of the way, I thought I would share with you some thoughts that ran through my head today.
So I was running low on food in the apartment, or Studio 2A as I call it. So I did what every warm blooded Marquette Alumni does, called Jimmy Johns. Unfortuanately I no longer go to Marquette, so I did the next worst thing and got in my car and headed to the local SUPER WAL-MART in Sheboygan.
As I was acquiring my items in the various ailes, I started to realize I was using the same part of my brain that I used to while driving LIMO for Student Safety Programs. So here is the thought process:
I usually don't make a list of what I need, I just make a map of the store in my head and follow a route to the various food items. This is in fact the number one skill used by LIMO drivers.
So this struck me as an amusing thought so I began to take the metaphor further. So the following are some random thoughts and ponderings of why grocery shopping is like LIMO driving.
The Similarities:
The random things you see while grocery shopping and LIMO driving. i.e. today in Wal-Mart I saw a small child hiding in the bread shelf.
The bizarre stories you read in the tabloids in the checkout line are only slightly less believable than some of the drunk stories LIMO passengers shout at one another on their way home for the night.
Grocery store patrons are equally as hostile to grocery store clerks as they can be to LIMO drivers. And unfortunately some clerks can be as stupid as SOME LIMO drivers.
Equally annoying things shouted over loud speaker as shouted over SSP radio frequency.
The maximum number of people I've ever seen in Wal-Mart: 278
The maximum number of people I've ever seen in a LIMO: 278
THE DIFFERENCES:
Less vomit in a grocery store per capita
I was never promoted to Grocery Store Supervisor.
I've never spent more than 40 minutes in a grocery store compared to the 10 hours in a LIMO.
More accidents involving grocery carts than LIMOs.
I've never had to respond to a noisy cart only to have the guilty bread swear at me and then pull down its pants and flash me.
More cameras on Marquette's campus than in Wal-Mart.
Never have to wait for a box of Cheerios to get to the van from their apartment.
I've never found drunk guys passed out sleeping in my grocery cart, not that it couldn't happen I imagine.
People on LIMOs are generally drunk; people in Wal-Mart generally just weird.
Ladies and gentlemen take my advice don't show up to your last State of the Union address to Congress dressed in a Hawaiian shirt and UGG brand boots. It will only make your plan to turn the U.S. Navy into a cover band of the Village People, that much more difficult to pass the Congress.
Ladies and gentlemen take my advice, don't try and play the State of the Union drinking game alone. Friends don't let friends discuss politics alone.
Tuesday, January 22, 2008
Who Let the Dogs Out? Yes who indeed?
Welcome back my naughty penguins.
Let's talk politics shall we? Yesterday GOP Presidential hopeful Mitt "Mitty" Romney was in Florida trying to appeal to the young African American vote yesterday.
While pausing for a photo op, Romney decided to take a moment and reveal to everyone just how in touch he is with today's youth. (No Michael Jackson joke intended)
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FDwwAaVmnf4
That's right Mitt quoted the Baja Men's hit song "Who Let The Dogs Out?" Which was of course released in 2000.
Now a lot of people have been criticizing him for first of all being named Mitt. But in terms of this incident, the real criticism cites Romney as somewhat of a rascist and not to mention pop culture moron.
If you listen carefully, someone does in fact ask Mr. Mitt, "Who let you out?" And that was was enticed Romney to respond "Who let the dogs out, who who who?"
But here's the real scoop. What you don't see on the camera is that directly in front of Mitt Romney (so behind the cameras that are recording what we see on Youtube) is a pack of wild dogs attacking the onlookers who had gathered for the parade that Romney was apparently holding up.
In total 78 people were mauled by the pack of vicious poodles who had just been released nearby.
So Romney should be sparred the criticism of "being out of touch" with the youth. The real concern and criticism should be Romney's overwhelming lack of concern for the 78 people who were just attacked. Seriously, do you want a president who looks on as fellow Americans are attacked and simply inquires, "Who let the dogs out? Who Who who?"
Ladies and gentlemen take my advice, take a moment to keep the family of Heath Ledger who passed away today at age 28 in your prayers today. He will be playing the Joker in this summer's The Dark Knight.
Ladies and gentlemen take my advice, if you believe your elusterous career on Law & Order should be a springboard to the Presidency, perhaps you should tune into Fred Thompson's new show LAW & ORDER: Presidential Campaign Unit. This show investigates presidential campaigns that are dead, dying, and deceased. Don't miss the pilot episode entitled "The Rudy File." And remember it will be more and more of this until the WGA Strike can be resloved.
Let's talk politics shall we? Yesterday GOP Presidential hopeful Mitt "Mitty" Romney was in Florida trying to appeal to the young African American vote yesterday.
While pausing for a photo op, Romney decided to take a moment and reveal to everyone just how in touch he is with today's youth. (No Michael Jackson joke intended)
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FDwwAaVmnf4
That's right Mitt quoted the Baja Men's hit song "Who Let The Dogs Out?" Which was of course released in 2000.
Now a lot of people have been criticizing him for first of all being named Mitt. But in terms of this incident, the real criticism cites Romney as somewhat of a rascist and not to mention pop culture moron.
If you listen carefully, someone does in fact ask Mr. Mitt, "Who let you out?" And that was was enticed Romney to respond "Who let the dogs out, who who who?"
But here's the real scoop. What you don't see on the camera is that directly in front of Mitt Romney (so behind the cameras that are recording what we see on Youtube) is a pack of wild dogs attacking the onlookers who had gathered for the parade that Romney was apparently holding up.
In total 78 people were mauled by the pack of vicious poodles who had just been released nearby.
So Romney should be sparred the criticism of "being out of touch" with the youth. The real concern and criticism should be Romney's overwhelming lack of concern for the 78 people who were just attacked. Seriously, do you want a president who looks on as fellow Americans are attacked and simply inquires, "Who let the dogs out? Who Who who?"
Ladies and gentlemen take my advice, take a moment to keep the family of Heath Ledger who passed away today at age 28 in your prayers today. He will be playing the Joker in this summer's The Dark Knight.
Ladies and gentlemen take my advice, if you believe your elusterous career on Law & Order should be a springboard to the Presidency, perhaps you should tune into Fred Thompson's new show LAW & ORDER: Presidential Campaign Unit. This show investigates presidential campaigns that are dead, dying, and deceased. Don't miss the pilot episode entitled "The Rudy File." And remember it will be more and more of this until the WGA Strike can be resloved.
Monday, January 14, 2008
WGA ON STRIKE
Hello hello helloooooooooooooooo!
Have no fear my loyal Aaron Morey and other random viewers. The production company that produces this blog has managed to strike an independent settlement with the Writers Guild of America in an effort to come back to the internet with new or FREsh material.
Ironically this blog has been on hiatus since even before the Wrtiers walked off the job back in late October. The strike is currently entering it's 8th or 9th week.
So what have we missed since we've been gone?
Well the late night guys were off the air with the writers strike. They have all returned to the air, only CBS' Late Show and Late Late Show have returned with their writers.
The Tonight Show and Late Night are both going on without their writers. All of the networks late night shows, with the exception of Jimmy Kimmel Live have seen an improvement in their ratings.
Carson Daily was the first one to defy the Writers Guild and return to the air. I know what your thinking. Carson Daily still has a television show?
I would just like to say that we here at the 4077th are really glad to be back and thank the Writer's Guild for allowing us to return. Now if only we could actually hire some writers right?
Well my Super Bowl predictions were looking really good right up until this past weekend when they broke down. The Dallas Cowboys and Indianapolis Colts were both eliminated from the playoffs. I believe I heard the cowboys are the first number 1 seat team to be eliminated in the Divisional round of the playoffs since the League went to the wild card format.
In a post game interview, the Cowboy's Terrell Owens took his cue from Senator Hillary Clinton. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_nHD6znv5Nw&feature=related
Here's Hillary's reaction to being eliminated from the playoffs.... http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LWSjUe0FyxQ&feature=related
Here's the real clip http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XDkWdJ7OXtY
Strangely enough, earlier today Terrell Owens was declared the winner of the New Hampshire Primary.
So I am pretty excited about my new Super Bowl prediction as I feel the Green Bay Packers have a pretty good chance to make a Super Bowl appearance. I am not getting cockey yet because obviously the Giants are a great team. Unfortunately the Patriots continue to assert their dominance. President Bush has issued a warning against the New England team asserting that their offensive line has more Weapons of Mass Destruction than Iraq.
So I think with that we're done for our first blog back.
Glad to be back.
Ladies and gentlemen take my advice if your show is actually getting better ratings without it's writers than it did before, perhaps it is time to reconsider some of your writing staff's future with your production.
Have no fear my loyal Aaron Morey and other random viewers. The production company that produces this blog has managed to strike an independent settlement with the Writers Guild of America in an effort to come back to the internet with new or FREsh material.
Ironically this blog has been on hiatus since even before the Wrtiers walked off the job back in late October. The strike is currently entering it's 8th or 9th week.
So what have we missed since we've been gone?
Well the late night guys were off the air with the writers strike. They have all returned to the air, only CBS' Late Show and Late Late Show have returned with their writers.
The Tonight Show and Late Night are both going on without their writers. All of the networks late night shows, with the exception of Jimmy Kimmel Live have seen an improvement in their ratings.
Carson Daily was the first one to defy the Writers Guild and return to the air. I know what your thinking. Carson Daily still has a television show?
I would just like to say that we here at the 4077th are really glad to be back and thank the Writer's Guild for allowing us to return. Now if only we could actually hire some writers right?
Well my Super Bowl predictions were looking really good right up until this past weekend when they broke down. The Dallas Cowboys and Indianapolis Colts were both eliminated from the playoffs. I believe I heard the cowboys are the first number 1 seat team to be eliminated in the Divisional round of the playoffs since the League went to the wild card format.
In a post game interview, the Cowboy's Terrell Owens took his cue from Senator Hillary Clinton. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_nHD6znv5Nw&feature=related
Here's Hillary's reaction to being eliminated from the playoffs.... http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LWSjUe0FyxQ&feature=related
Here's the real clip http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XDkWdJ7OXtY
Strangely enough, earlier today Terrell Owens was declared the winner of the New Hampshire Primary.
So I am pretty excited about my new Super Bowl prediction as I feel the Green Bay Packers have a pretty good chance to make a Super Bowl appearance. I am not getting cockey yet because obviously the Giants are a great team. Unfortunately the Patriots continue to assert their dominance. President Bush has issued a warning against the New England team asserting that their offensive line has more Weapons of Mass Destruction than Iraq.
So I think with that we're done for our first blog back.
Glad to be back.
Ladies and gentlemen take my advice if your show is actually getting better ratings without it's writers than it did before, perhaps it is time to reconsider some of your writing staff's future with your production.
