Monday, January 28, 2008
Why Grocery Shopping is similar to LIMO Driving
Aaron Morey
Okay now as long as I've got that out of the way, I thought I would share with you some thoughts that ran through my head today.
So I was running low on food in the apartment, or Studio 2A as I call it. So I did what every warm blooded Marquette Alumni does, called Jimmy Johns. Unfortuanately I no longer go to Marquette, so I did the next worst thing and got in my car and headed to the local SUPER WAL-MART in Sheboygan.
As I was acquiring my items in the various ailes, I started to realize I was using the same part of my brain that I used to while driving LIMO for Student Safety Programs. So here is the thought process:
I usually don't make a list of what I need, I just make a map of the store in my head and follow a route to the various food items. This is in fact the number one skill used by LIMO drivers.
So this struck me as an amusing thought so I began to take the metaphor further. So the following are some random thoughts and ponderings of why grocery shopping is like LIMO driving.
The Similarities:
The random things you see while grocery shopping and LIMO driving. i.e. today in Wal-Mart I saw a small child hiding in the bread shelf.
The bizarre stories you read in the tabloids in the checkout line are only slightly less believable than some of the drunk stories LIMO passengers shout at one another on their way home for the night.
Grocery store patrons are equally as hostile to grocery store clerks as they can be to LIMO drivers. And unfortunately some clerks can be as stupid as SOME LIMO drivers.
Equally annoying things shouted over loud speaker as shouted over SSP radio frequency.
The maximum number of people I've ever seen in Wal-Mart: 278
The maximum number of people I've ever seen in a LIMO: 278
THE DIFFERENCES:
Less vomit in a grocery store per capita
I was never promoted to Grocery Store Supervisor.
I've never spent more than 40 minutes in a grocery store compared to the 10 hours in a LIMO.
More accidents involving grocery carts than LIMOs.
I've never had to respond to a noisy cart only to have the guilty bread swear at me and then pull down its pants and flash me.
More cameras on Marquette's campus than in Wal-Mart.
Never have to wait for a box of Cheerios to get to the van from their apartment.
I've never found drunk guys passed out sleeping in my grocery cart, not that it couldn't happen I imagine.
People on LIMOs are generally drunk; people in Wal-Mart generally just weird.
Ladies and gentlemen take my advice don't show up to your last State of the Union address to Congress dressed in a Hawaiian shirt and UGG brand boots. It will only make your plan to turn the U.S. Navy into a cover band of the Village People, that much more difficult to pass the Congress.
Ladies and gentlemen take my advice, don't try and play the State of the Union drinking game alone. Friends don't let friends discuss politics alone.
Okay now as long as I've got that out of the way, I thought I would share with you some thoughts that ran through my head today.
So I was running low on food in the apartment, or Studio 2A as I call it. So I did what every warm blooded Marquette Alumni does, called Jimmy Johns. Unfortuanately I no longer go to Marquette, so I did the next worst thing and got in my car and headed to the local SUPER WAL-MART in Sheboygan.
As I was acquiring my items in the various ailes, I started to realize I was using the same part of my brain that I used to while driving LIMO for Student Safety Programs. So here is the thought process:
I usually don't make a list of what I need, I just make a map of the store in my head and follow a route to the various food items. This is in fact the number one skill used by LIMO drivers.
So this struck me as an amusing thought so I began to take the metaphor further. So the following are some random thoughts and ponderings of why grocery shopping is like LIMO driving.
The Similarities:
The random things you see while grocery shopping and LIMO driving. i.e. today in Wal-Mart I saw a small child hiding in the bread shelf.
The bizarre stories you read in the tabloids in the checkout line are only slightly less believable than some of the drunk stories LIMO passengers shout at one another on their way home for the night.
Grocery store patrons are equally as hostile to grocery store clerks as they can be to LIMO drivers. And unfortunately some clerks can be as stupid as SOME LIMO drivers.
Equally annoying things shouted over loud speaker as shouted over SSP radio frequency.
The maximum number of people I've ever seen in Wal-Mart: 278
The maximum number of people I've ever seen in a LIMO: 278
THE DIFFERENCES:
Less vomit in a grocery store per capita
I was never promoted to Grocery Store Supervisor.
I've never spent more than 40 minutes in a grocery store compared to the 10 hours in a LIMO.
More accidents involving grocery carts than LIMOs.
I've never had to respond to a noisy cart only to have the guilty bread swear at me and then pull down its pants and flash me.
More cameras on Marquette's campus than in Wal-Mart.
Never have to wait for a box of Cheerios to get to the van from their apartment.
I've never found drunk guys passed out sleeping in my grocery cart, not that it couldn't happen I imagine.
People on LIMOs are generally drunk; people in Wal-Mart generally just weird.
Ladies and gentlemen take my advice don't show up to your last State of the Union address to Congress dressed in a Hawaiian shirt and UGG brand boots. It will only make your plan to turn the U.S. Navy into a cover band of the Village People, that much more difficult to pass the Congress.
Ladies and gentlemen take my advice, don't try and play the State of the Union drinking game alone. Friends don't let friends discuss politics alone.
# posted by The REAL Tommy @ 5:30 PM 
