Tuesday, July 25, 2006
Dew Point of -8!?
Hello Ryan Packer and Aaron Morey. I hope you two are doing quite well since you are the only ones of my friends who read let alone read my blog.
Since this is more of an intimate gathering of acquaintances, we'll travel through the adventure that is this blog together. So let's buckle up and get ready.
The title of today's blog refers to the weather report I saw on Milwaukee's very own WTMJ 4. You might be familiar with them, they are the the local news station that encourages the touching of its anchors, reporters and staff. (Touch Today Today's TMJ 4) But please, don't really try and touch them, they are entagnled in many sexual misconduct cases as it is. They are right behind Superman.
On Thursday, my roommate Sam and myself will be making the trek North to Minnesota to visit our good friend Bryce's family cabin. It is apparently a 9 hour drive and with Sam's work schedule and gas mileage should put us in town no later than November 22, 2038. Now this is a good thing and let me tell you why.
November 22, 2038 will be the 75th anniversary of the day that President John F. Kennedy was assassinated in Dallas Texas. This is significant because all of the top secret info regarding who ACTUALLY killed JFK will be released to the public from the National Archives thanks to the Freedom of Information Act. So I'll be ready.
What kind of information has yet to be released you ask? Well very important things such as the socks that JFK were wearing. Why is this important. Well The Warren Commission would have you believe that Lee Harvey Oswald shot JFK from the Texas School Book Depositry. They would also have you believe the doomed President was shot in the head thus ending the President's life. Well the truth is that a secret agent (probably a Nazi) was hiding in the floor of the Presidential Limo (no not like the ones i Drive) and shot JFK in the foot. The bullet traveled up his body to his head where it ignited the patch of dynamite that had been planted by Marilyn Monroe on one of her many "Fact finding" missions with the President. The end result is the explosion and eventual death of the president.
All right I kid I keed. I hope none of these key words ends up getting me flagged by homeland security...AGAIN.
On a lighter note I was relieved to know that Oprah is not, never has been, most likely will not be gay. I had a feeling she was straight. Glad she cleared that up for us. I saw the way she looked at Dr. Phil.
So to be a complete ripoff of David Letterman, here is a Top Ten List!
10. Your cell phone is constantly vibrating, and yet you have no vibration function.
9. Is that a pair of nail clippers in you pocket?
8. What do you mean the rubber-bands aren't free?
7. I love men.
6. Tommy Nelson needs serious therapy for his messed up love life.
5. Superman may have returned, but the kid is still a bastard.
4. Aaron Morey is right on Bobby's tail, if you know what I mean.
3. It's Student Sexy, not Student Safety.
2. Why is Derrick Turnbow always wearing a french maid outfit?
1. Fat guy on a bike
There you have it, A Top Ten List. Not really top ten anything.
Ladies and Gentlemen take my advice, if you're trying to impress somone or possibly even flirt with them, don't say even stupider things than you usually do. It's really not cool and quite psychotic if you ask me.
Since this is more of an intimate gathering of acquaintances, we'll travel through the adventure that is this blog together. So let's buckle up and get ready.
The title of today's blog refers to the weather report I saw on Milwaukee's very own WTMJ 4. You might be familiar with them, they are the the local news station that encourages the touching of its anchors, reporters and staff. (Touch Today Today's TMJ 4) But please, don't really try and touch them, they are entagnled in many sexual misconduct cases as it is. They are right behind Superman.
On Thursday, my roommate Sam and myself will be making the trek North to Minnesota to visit our good friend Bryce's family cabin. It is apparently a 9 hour drive and with Sam's work schedule and gas mileage should put us in town no later than November 22, 2038. Now this is a good thing and let me tell you why.
November 22, 2038 will be the 75th anniversary of the day that President John F. Kennedy was assassinated in Dallas Texas. This is significant because all of the top secret info regarding who ACTUALLY killed JFK will be released to the public from the National Archives thanks to the Freedom of Information Act. So I'll be ready.
What kind of information has yet to be released you ask? Well very important things such as the socks that JFK were wearing. Why is this important. Well The Warren Commission would have you believe that Lee Harvey Oswald shot JFK from the Texas School Book Depositry. They would also have you believe the doomed President was shot in the head thus ending the President's life. Well the truth is that a secret agent (probably a Nazi) was hiding in the floor of the Presidential Limo (no not like the ones i Drive) and shot JFK in the foot. The bullet traveled up his body to his head where it ignited the patch of dynamite that had been planted by Marilyn Monroe on one of her many "Fact finding" missions with the President. The end result is the explosion and eventual death of the president.
All right I kid I keed. I hope none of these key words ends up getting me flagged by homeland security...AGAIN.
On a lighter note I was relieved to know that Oprah is not, never has been, most likely will not be gay. I had a feeling she was straight. Glad she cleared that up for us. I saw the way she looked at Dr. Phil.
So to be a complete ripoff of David Letterman, here is a Top Ten List!
10. Your cell phone is constantly vibrating, and yet you have no vibration function.
9. Is that a pair of nail clippers in you pocket?
8. What do you mean the rubber-bands aren't free?
7. I love men.
6. Tommy Nelson needs serious therapy for his messed up love life.
5. Superman may have returned, but the kid is still a bastard.
4. Aaron Morey is right on Bobby's tail, if you know what I mean.
3. It's Student Sexy, not Student Safety.
2. Why is Derrick Turnbow always wearing a french maid outfit?
1. Fat guy on a bike
There you have it, A Top Ten List. Not really top ten anything.
Ladies and Gentlemen take my advice, if you're trying to impress somone or possibly even flirt with them, don't say even stupider things than you usually do. It's really not cool and quite psychotic if you ask me.
# posted by The REAL Tommy @ 3:34 PM 
