Ladies and Gentlemen take my advice...

When I was a sophomore in high school, it was the 2000 presidential election. This was a big election for me. It was the first time that we would possibly be electing a president that I could like. For some reason, dating back to the second grade, I never really liked President Clinton.

So I was eager to root for George W. Bush to win the presidency over VP Al Gore that year, despite the fact that I could not personally vote. I remember going home from school that day and staying glued to CNN. I later moved on to covering all the networks, CBS, NBC, andABC. I was right there with all the anchors as the AP and other reputable agencies made the projections as to who various states' electorial votes would go. I even had a piece of paper on which I kept track of the number of electorial votes each candidate had keeping in mind the number to beat. Unfortunately I had to go to bed that night not knowing who had won the presidency. As did all of America, that night, and many others til December I think. It was close. TOO CLOSE TO CALL! as I remember Dan Rather saying numerous times that night. In fact I seem to recall that phrase becoming the running gag which I used the following weekend on a team building retreat. Ha!

Anyways, ever since then, I have LOVED watching Election Returns coverage on various networks. In 2004 I remember trying to type a theology paper for Fr. Mueller that was due the next day while watching CNN in 1610. I didn't do too well on the paper. And in fact according to the Media, I went to bed later that night then did both President Bush and Sen. Kerry.

So the point of the story is I love election analysis, even though I am not an expert except to the degree that I am naturally an expert in everything.

So lets do some analysing shall we?

This years election has found me completely out of the loop of national politics. But completely ignorant of Illiniois' races.

What I did know is that no one in Illinois likes Gov. Rod Blagoveiechdadkhggheej. So no one was really excitd to vote for him. But what did the Republican Party in Illinois do? They nominated Judy Bar "Bar Bar" Topinka for the top state gig. Even fewer people like her. The vote went 50% to Roddy and 40% to Bar.

The most interesting thing to observers was the 10% of the vote garnered by the Green party candidate known only as "Whitney." People in Illinois must have been pretty desperate to not vote for anybody. Rod is quoted as saying, "I don't even want to vote for me."

So moving north of the border where things usually make less sense, we come to Wisconsin. Where you can now be executed if you get a gay marriage, but only if you rapidly withdrawl from Iraq. Rapid withdrawl, and I thought this would be a clean blog.

Anyways there were two really interesting races in Wisconsin. The Goobernatorial race and the Constitutional ammendment defining marriage as one man and one woman. Right up into election day experts were saying that this would be closer than Aaron is to Morey.

The Governers' race went quite decidedly to Jim Doyle who kicked Mark Green's butt and beat him in the election too. Doyle recieved a tremendous 53% of the vote to Mark Green's 45%. Not a tremendous defeat but quite clearly a defeat. No where near as close as it was predicted to be.

Now on the ammendment issue. In the weeks leading up to the election, this has been the most debated issue amongst heterosexuals since that whole Opera thing awhile back.

But the numbers, much like my hips don't lie. An astouding 59% of the voters said YES to defining marriage as one man and one woman. 1,260,554 votes counted towards YES. It wasn't even close. Which is qutie interesting considering the number of votes Jim Doyle recieved. It's quite clear that the conservative base was never really in Mark Green's camp, or his pants. Apparently Doyle has done a good job and people want him to prove it. Many people consider the staggering loss deliverd to NO as being partly attributable to the last second resurrgence of the third party candidate, "ONLY on Tuesdays." The message of the third party really struck a cord with grass roots activits that is people who are active and have grass as hair.

In other news, Aaron Morey recieved .000001% of the vote for Representative to the assembly in the 16th district. Which puts him tied with Tommy Nelson. A recount had been requested but the candidates were then reminded they had each voted for one another. Nelson had this to say, "I am just really proud of the way my campaign went. Considering we didn't have any money and didn't really do any campaigning. The resulsts are clear that Wisconsinites have a fever and the only cure is some Tommy. Imagine what we could do if people were to give me money?"

Nelson was later arraigned on charges of election fraud, ballot tampering, and first degree possession of a duck.

On a personal note I must say this election should be interesting as to how things play out in the long run. I am a little dissappointed in Republicans but not much. They essentially did it to themselves. In some sense i am glad of the outcome. If Democrats gain the Senate just as they have done with the House, there should be some changes in The United States, and I think it's clear we need something. But I just don't trust democrats to do all the RIGHT changes. They're evil. But i am pretty sure Republicans are evil too, so i guess in the long run it doesn't really matter.
The people have spoken and in the long run, thats really what it is all about.

God Bless America!

Ladies and gentlemen take my advice, for all the best election returns, and analysts, keep it tuned to the 4077th Cellphone. You'll be glad you did. There is no off on the genius switch.

I am Tommy Nelson and I approve of this message.


Paid for by people with nothing better with which to spend their time or money. Robert Wild S.J. Treasuer.