Ladies and Gentlemen take my advice...

Or

I went to NYC and all I got was this lousy Ham. 

Good evening ladies and gentlemen, my name is Tommy Nelson and you may remember me from my brief appearance on the Late Show with David Letterman on June 25^th 2014.  And by brief appearance I mean literally the 5 seconds the camera cut to me in the audience.  I don’t want you to think for a second that this somehow changes me, but really have you ever been on national television?  Aaron Morey?

A lot of people have asked how this all came about so I thought I would share a reflection on how this happened and what led us to this blog post. 

A little background first: 

Hero is a word that gets thrown around a lot in our culture and I believe many times misused or inappropriately bestowed upon people.  When I think of my heroes I think of St. John Paul II or even Pope Francis.  I would not call David Letterman my hero. 

That being said, I have always had a fond memory or admiration of David Letterman.  Is he a great role model?  No.  Has he done things no one should admire, absolutely.  But from a pure television performer and entertainer level David Letterman has been a sort of hero or idol since I was in 3^rd grade.

When I was in 3^rd grade Letterman made the switch from Late Night on NBC to the Late Show on CBS.  This brought him on the air an hour earlier and every once in a while in the summer months I would occasionally catch the opening monologue and the Top Ten List.  I was hooked.  I read a biography about him and even did a report on that book in 7^th grade.  The first time I discovered that the Top Ten Lists has been collected into a book I bought it instantly!  I may not have always gotten some of the jokes but I found the show intriguing not because of the guests but because of the gap-toothed spectacle wearing host and his crazy antics on network TV. 

I remember on career day in 7^th grade we were supposed to dress up like what we wanted to do.  I came as a talk show host, even though I was still a shy kid who barely spoke to people let alone tried to make them laugh.  I got a couple friends hooked on Letterman as well.  I would often pretend to host my own show (called ZAP!!!) and we would frequently parody Letterman bits in our backyard version of network comedy. 

As I got older I appreciated being able to stay up and watch the show more often.  The jokes started to make more sense and I always found watching the show to be more about watching Letterman and his interactions/reactions to things more than about the jokes themselves.   You may find this silly but this gives you a bit of background about where I am as a fan of David Letterman. 

 Getting the tickets

In recent months and years I’ve had less time for Dave.  I am old now so staying up that late is harder with a wife and little one.  I may have even strayed over to Jimmy Kimmel every once in a while.  (He’s a bigger Letterman fan then I am so I thought it was okay.) But then in April Dave announced he would be retiring from the Late Show.  I made sure to watch the show that night and when I went to bed I realized I had one big thing on my bucket list that was not time sensitive.  I had never been to a live taping of the Late Show.  I figured with the retirement announcement tickets might start to be hard to come by so I went online that night to request free tickets. 

The online form asks you to pick a couple days when you’ll be in New York and be available for an afternoon taping.  (SHOCK!  THE SHOW ISN’T LIVE!!!)  I picked June as I knew I would have some more free time then during the academic year.  I pushed submit and that was it.  I kind of forgot about it actually. 

Fast forward to June.  I get home from work on a Thursday and had just barely greeted Kayln and Isaiah when my phone rings with a number I didn’t recognize in the caller ID.  I don’t usually answer numbers I don’t recognize but for some reason I decided to take the call. 

“Hi this is John from the Late Show, you requested tickets for June.  When will you be in New York?” 

I couldn’t believe it.  Like I said, I had almost forgotten about it completely.  I told John we didn’t have a trip planned but we could quickly change those plans if it meant getting to see Dave!  He then asked me the standard trivia question in order to “qualify” for the tickets.  I told him I would call him back on Monday to confirm that we would be coming to New York. 

Kayln and I discussed it and weighed our budget as well as what to do with Isaiah.   We knew he couldn’t handle this long of a road trip as well as he had when he was 3 months old.  Air fare was too expensive at this point.  On a whim I called my sister and her and my parents were thrilled for the opportunity to spend some quality time with Isaiah.  Kayln and I were a bit hesitant about leaving him for so long but decided he could handle it and this was worth it.  I Facebook messaged my college roomates parents who live in New Jersey (just across the river from Manhattan) about staying with them and quickly got an excited response welcoming us to their home for a few days.  WE WERE GOING TO NEW YORK!!!! 

 The Trip

Monday I went to work which seemed like it lasted forever because immediately after work I went home packed up Kayln and Isaiah and headed to Rockford.  We stayed at my parents’ house for a couple hours to get Isaiah used to being there and then we hit the road!  We made it to South Bend before my handy dandy Hotels.com app found us some rudimentary accommodations.  (The light was left on for us). 

We got up the next morning and continued our trek East to New Jersey.  We made it in on Tuesday night around 11:30.  Our plan was to maximize our time in New York the next day to see as much as possible.  We got up early and got dropped off at the bus stop with instructions on how to get back.  And we were

off to the city that never sleeps. 

Traffic was crazy but we finally made it to the Port Authority Bus Terminal around 10am.  We then got on the Subway to the World Trade Center.  We had hoped to visit the museum but the lines were long and we were due back in Times Square between 1 &2pm to pick up the tickets to the Late Show. 

We meandered around the 9/11 Memorial for a bit taking it all in and trying to reflect upon the tragedy and the hope rising up from this place.  It was a unique experience especially after visiting the United 93 Memorial in Pennsylvania last September on our previous East Coast road trip. 

We got back to Times Square via the subway and grabbed hot dogs from a food vendor.  We need a bathroom so we went to Toys R Us.  Toys R Us in Times Square is 3 or 4 stories tall.  It’s like it’s own mall.  Crazy.  But they have bathrooms and since we are parents we could pass as customers. 

We then enjoyed our hot dogs on the bleachers set up in the middle of Times Square.  This was where Spider-Man’s first battle with Electro took place in The Amazing Spider-Man 2.  It was a nice meal and delightful people watching experience.  I believe the bleachers are set up specifically for people watching.  It’s a funny sight as hundreds of people look like they are waiting for a show to start. 

We had a show to catch so we walked up Broadway towards the historic Ed Sullivan Theater.  I was so excited!  As we got closer I could start to make out the familiar blue marquee with gold lettering.  This was it!  We had arrived at the Ed Sullivan Theater home of the Late Show with David Letterman. 

The energy on the street was palpable!  There was already a line wrapping around the corner to in front of Rupert’s Hello Deli.  THE Hello Deli that I had seen so often on the show!  We got to the front of the line and identified ourselves as being on John’s Gold list.  We were then ushered inside the lobby of the Ed Sullivan Theatre.  We were given tickets and stamped with an invisible ink stamp (not sure why as that was never revisited).  The interns or pages that helped guide this process were very energetic and  full of enthusiasm and trying to make the process painless.  The then grouped us with our line buddies after putting a number on the tickets, gave us some more instructions, did some cheer leading, and tried to get us pumped up!  I was already pumped.  They told us to be back at 2:20pm but we could hang out at a bar around the corner called Three Monkies that had restrooms we could use.  We made the pit stop but then went back around the other corner to the Hello Deli, bought a Late Show T-shirt and a doughnut and got the obligatory picture with Rupert G.  He really is a nice guy! 

We then stood outside Rupert’s for a bit eating the doughnut and waiting for the time to line up.  This was fun because it was right next to the staff entrance to the Theater and where Late Show security was waiting for the celebrity guests to arrive.  We waited for a bit but then it was time to line up.  My ticket was numbered 146.  I wasn’t sure what this meant but I was slightly terrified it meant we would be in the balcony because the balcony sucks. 

We ended up having a nice conversation with a young couple in front of us.  (They signed up for tickets in person that Monday!)  The young man was an intern across the street at Mad Magazine (yes this still exists) which is owned by DC Comics.  I had no idea that my heroes (Superman and Letterman) were neighbors!  This young man’s father is actually a copyright lawyer for DC Comics so his dad has already seen scripts for the Justice League movie and a bunch of other stuff we’re not allowed to know about yet!

The interns in the lobby did a good job trying to entertain us while also passing on the rules and guidelines for the show.  They were pretty fun kids but we were crammed into the lobby for about a half an hour or so.  The excitement was building!!!! “Clap and laugh even if you don’t get the joke yet” was the most frequent piece of advice. 

Then the big moment, they started leading us into the Theater.  We handed off our tickets and it was clear we were heading for the main floor of the Ed Sullivan Theater.  It was amazing!  It looked like a toy  model of the set we are so used to seeing on TV.  Dave’s desk was w so small.  And the whole stage was a lot smaller then you would think!  The lights on the model city were beautiful and the whole place had a warm inviting feeling to it. 

We were seated smack dap in the middle section of the audience.  Pretty prime seating actually. As we were getting settled many crew members were getting ready.   Biff Henderson walked out at one point and got a round of applause. 

The Big Show

As showtime approached the lights went down and the real host of the theater introduced himself.  Alan Kalter!  The announcer!  He was actually in charge of keeping the audience informed with what to expect and when to clap and stuff.  Amazing.  He was much more charming in person then he appears in some of the bits he does on the show from time to time.  He then introduced a humorous audience orientation video host by Alec Baldwin. 

Next up Alan introduced each member of the CBS Orchestra individually and by their instrument!  The band minus their maestro then did a song to get the audience going and then Alan introduced, the one, the only Paul Shaffer.  Paul came out in a sparkling silver suit as you would expect and joined the band on a song. 

Paul signaled the band to end the song and Alan took the handheld microphone, and introduced the big guy himself….DAVID LETTERMANNNNNNNNNNNNN.  The band played a light version of the theme  song and Dave came sprinting out across the stage without a jacket on.  The audience went wild! 

Dave then took what appears to be his habitual spot for the pre-show hunched over the main camera.  He took the corded microphone from Alan and began talking to us.  He pointed out the top of the $200,000 camera being completely dented and deformed from the nightly beating it takes from his microphone.  “Do I care?  No.” 

He asked Paul what kind of show they had tonight and Paul said at least mediocre.  Then Dave turned to the audience to see if anyone had a question. 

This was the moment I was prepared for!  I knew Dave did nightly Q&A with the audience and often times this could turn into an inside joke on the show that viewers at home might not quite understand.  I hesitated but shot my hand up.  Dave called on a guy in the front row.  He was from Connecticut and asked Dave about being from Connecticut what his favorite spot was.  Dave corrected him that he was in fact from Indiana (“but close.”) and then went on about some burger joint that claimed to serve meat so good you don’t need ketchup.  This went on to be referenced in the Top Ten List that night. 

I could tell Dave was about ready for another question.  As soon as he opened his mouth inviting the next question I shot my hand up.  “Yes sir?” pointing at me. 

I couldn’t believe it!  Dave Letterman was talking to me!  The following is how I best remember the exchange, though it’s all kind of fuzzy now as it seems like a dream! 

“Yes sir, what’s your name?”

“Tommy.”

“Tommy you have the privilege of sitting right in the exact center of the theater.”

“Oh I’m sorry I think it might be one row in front of you.  Ma’am whats your name?”

Coming back to me

“Okay Tommy, where are you from?”

“Brillion, Wisconsin.”

“Where is that in Wisconsin Tommy?”

“About 40 minutes south of Green Bay.”

“Is that near the Dells?”

“No, pretty far east of the Dells.”

“Is that near Madison?”

“No it’s pretty far north of there.”

“Well that’s all I know besides Milwaukee.”

“I went to College in Milwaukee.”

“Well Tommy I notice your cross there, are you a man of the cloth?”

“I am a lay campus minister at a small College .”

“What College?”

“Silver Lake College.”

“Mhmm, and what’s the enrollment?”

“About 2,000 or so.”

“Wow, in Wisconsin, that sounds beautiful.  Okay Tommy what’s your question?”

“I’ve been watching the show since I was in 3^rdgrade and you used to give away canned hams all the time.  I was wondering if you would be doing that again as you approach retirement?”

(barely had I finished talking)  “Tommy wants a ham!  Can we get him a ham, anything frozen, whatever!

“You know we used to give them away all the time, but then we just stopped caring.  We had a guy in the audience a few years ago.  He said ehhhh, you gave me a ham about 8 years ago. I put it on the mantle and then it exploded.  As  if that’s my fault!  So okay Tom, we’ll get you your ham!  I got start the show folks!” 

As soon as Dave ran off stage the band started playing the theme and Alan started the intro we could see rolling on the monitors in front of us.  For what happened next you can click on this link below.  It will have a brief commercial but then you will experience what we did the second Letterman stopped talking to me.  Watch through the 2:20 second mark at the very least!

 The Moment

Wow. Just wow.  I was the first joke of the night!  I was on David Letterman!  Kayln’s smile if you can see her in the clip sums up the whole experience for me.  Amazing! 

Now if you watch the whole show, you may think Dave didn't keep his promise.  Quite the contrary really. 

After Mark Wahlberg’s two segments, this is what the audience in the theater experienced.  Right after the commercial: 

Dave: “There's a guy in the audience who wants a ham.  We were supposed to have Mark Wahlberg give it to him, but we forgot.  Do we have the ham? I think that’d be a good job for you.”

He sends his Executive Producer into the audience with a freshly purchased 11 pound ham and they pass it to me in the audience.  The audience is erupting with applause and the cameras are all on me!  It was amazing.  I can barely remember it as it happened as it was so fast. 

Unfortunately along with other good material me and my ham made our way to the cutting room floor.  So that part didn't make it to air.  But it doesn't matter.  I got my 5 seconds of air time and I walked away with a $30 ham from David Letterman!  Alan Kalter gave me a big thumbs us and after the show other audience members were congratulating me.  Several asked if they had set this bit up with me before.  Several more took pictures with me and the ham.   We exited right in front of the Hello Deli and Mrs. Rupert gave us a plastic bag to carry the ham. 

I was ecstatic.  It was  a dream come true.  And ironically enough it was EXACTLY how I had planned things in my imagination, right down to Mark Wahlberg possibly giving me the ham.  I could not have known that it would work out this well but God is funny like that sometimes. 

We then purchased a backpack just for the ham as we had some more sight seeing to do.  We went on a cruise of New York and the ham was with in a cooler on our 15 hour drive home.  It sits safely in the freezer awaiting the right occasion which has been suggested to me to be the last episode of the Late Show with David Letterman.  

What does this all mean?  Is it a turning point in my life?  Probably not.  Much like the very idea of giving out ham, it is just as silly as it sounds.  And that my friends is the point.  It’s the reason I have loved David Letterman for 20+ years.  It’s the reason behind this blog.  Sometimes you just need to be silly.  And for that I’m grateful to David Letterman for 31 years of silliness.  Late Night television will never be the same.  My children will be removed from the Johnny Carson influenced era of Letterman and Leno.  It appears they will grow up in a Jimmy-verse.  That’s okay.  Because I will always be able to point to that random week in June where I got to see David Letterman and he gave me a ham.  There is no off position on the genius switch. 

Ladies and gentlemen take my advice, be flexible.  You never know what dramatically changing your plans could get you.  There could still be a ham out there with your name on it.